Community for Coaches

Trust (next post 2/3)

2012-01-20T11:47:00.004-06:00

Trust. It's a big deal in life. In many ways our society is built upon trust. I have to trust the other drivers on the road. I have to trust the person who prepares my food. I have to trust the teachers who work with my children.

On our teams, trust is no less important. As an athlete, I have to trust my teammate to do his job. I have to trust the officials to be competent. And I have to trust my coach to care about what happens to me and my teammates.

A certain level of trust is typically given to people in positions of authority, including coaches. That base level can be increased gradually over time, as we show ourselves capable of leading others well, and faithful to the pursuit of their well-being. Trust can obviously evaporate in an instant when it is violated in a serious way. And it's difficult and painful to earn it back. Sometimes it's impossible.

Teams and programs with high levels of trust among the parties involved will always outperform over the long haul. What are you doing as a Coach to develop a culture of trust on your team? How do your athletes know they can trust you?

80's Lyric

We've all got our own funny moods
I've got mine, woman you've got yours too
Just trust in me like I trust in you

- Simply Red (1989)

I Believe (next post 1/20)

2012-01-06T11:51:00.006-06:00

I've read a couple things lately that, as they often do, have got me thinking. The first comes from a book I'm reading called Sticky Faith by Dr. Kara Powell, Brad Griffin and Dr. Cheryl Crawford. It's a book about helping young people develop a faith that will last into adulthood. Smart people who have done a bunch of research asked 168 youth group graduates what it means to be a Christian. To their surprise, many of the replies said nothing about Jesus. According to the book, a large number of students wrote about the need to "love others" as a defining idea of what it means to be a Christian. The authors make the point that while loving others is certainly a core component of following Jesus, it is hardly unique to the Christian faith.

The second, and more brief tidbit was a line I stumbled across as someone's stance on religion. He wrote, that people ought to "believe in God, and right and wrong, but don't tell me how to live." I found that particularly interesting. In many ways I probably agree with him. In other ways, I think his statement is fairly ridiculous, particularly if one considers the implications of what it would actually mean if no one was ever allowed to tell anyone else how they ought to live. For example, what then becomes the standard of right/wrong that this guy claims to value? But that's another discussion for another day. Wait, I've got another one. Isn't telling people that they ought to believe in right/wrong in fact telling them how to live? I could do this all day. But I won't.

Here's what I am going to do. I'm making a non-comprehensive list of things I believe. I believe all these things passionately, although some less passionately than others. They come in no particular order. Here goes.

I believe that life has meaning and that every moment of every day is a gift from God, 100% regardless of my circumstances at any given moment.

I believe that hitting a golf ball far and straight is really hard to do. The best in the world don't do it every time, and yet, sometimes I can do it and it feels great.

I believe that God created me to enjoy His creation, and to live in intimate relationship with Him.

I believe that as a result of the fall of man, sin entered the world, resulting in man's eternal separation from a holy, perfect God.

I believe that my children bring out the best and the worst in me.

I believe that since before the beginning of time God planned a rescue mission for His people, and accomplished that rescue by sending His Son to pay the penalty we deserve for our rebellion against Him.

I believe that men, women and children can be saved through faith in Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, by believing that He died for our sins and was raised from the dead, conquering death forever.

I believe that fear is one of our greatest enemies.

I believe that in Christ we have absolutely nothing to fear.

I believe that nothing I have ever or will ever do causes me to deserve the rescue that God provided by His grace.

But I also believe that as a result of faith in Christ, the Spirit of God comes to dwell in people, and begins a work in them that results in real, actual life change.

I believe that the world is not as it should be, due to the presence of sin and evil in the world.

Strange as it may sound, I believe there is a battle being waged for the souls of every person on the planet.

I believe that I've never met a mere mortal. That everyone I've ever encountered in my life will live forever.

I believe that sports are a gift from God, and that they have the power to enhance people's lives, while making communities and the whole world a better place.

I believe that it's a close call between the Jerome Simpson flip into the endzone, Usain Bolt's 100 meters at the 2008 Olympics, and the 720 degree dunk guy doing his thing as far as the most incredible athletic feat I've ever seen.

I believe that sports at all levels, along with all aspects of society, have become corrupted by greed and selfishness.

I believe that there are some incredible quarterbacks in the NFL right now.

I believe that Coaches hold the power to be used by God to redeem sport. That they can be instruments of change to make significant positive, eternal impacts in their communities, worlds, and the lives of people.

I believe that God has called me to be part of a movement and to give a voice to the idea that Coaches have this type of power. That He has called me to come alongside these women and men, giving them encouragement and support as they seek to discover what it means to coach for greater purpose and to have an eternal impact.

What do you believe?

80's Lyric

Believe it or not I'm walking on air
I never thought I could feel so free
Flying away on a wing and a prayer
Who could it be?
Believe it or not it's just me

- Joey Scarbury (1981)

Friend or Foe?? (next post 1/6)

2011-12-16T11:50:00.002-06:00

This is going to be short and sweet.

How do you view those you coach against? Are they friends, rivals, colleagues, adversaries, or some combination of the above? Does it depend on who they are or where they work?

Obviously, we are going to get along with some people better than we do with others, but I know for me, there were certain people who coached in certain places that brought out the worst in me. These men were my sworn enemies, and I wasn't going to be friendly or give them anything more than the minimum required amount of courtesy and respect.

I think I've grown up a little since those days, so maybe this isn't much of an issue for you. But maybe it is for your players, or other coaches on your staff.

I read this recently: "For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!"
(Romans 5:10). The part of that passage that grabbed me was the "God's enemies" part. I was God's enemy, as I rebelled against Him. And yet, in the midst of my rebellion, while I was His enemy, He sent His Son to suffer and die for me. That's kind of hard to wrap my brain around.

So as I think through the people who I've considered enemies over the years, the idea that God loves me that much despite my sin, brings my attitude into perspective. I have no right to treat hardly anyone, particularly some rival coach, as an enemy. Maybe that sounds 'soft'. Or maybe it makes me more like God than I used to be.

80's Lyric

Why you got to gimme a fight?

Can't you just let it be?

- Kenny Loggins (1980)

If You Aim at Nothing... (next post 12/16)

2011-12-02T12:35:00.004-06:00

I hate it when people tell me "You have to see this movie!" or "You have got to start watching this tv show", or "You absolutely must read this book". I guess I have a rebellious side that doesn't care for being told what to do.

And yet, if you care at all about being a Coach who is intentional about making a difference in people's lives, you absolutely must read InsSideOut Coaching by Joe Ehrmann. You might know of Coach Ehrmann, his story and his work. If you don't, you can learn more here. I won't try to summarize this book in a couple of quotes or other snippets, but there is a theme that runs throughout the book that helps drive the points that Joe makes. As you might guess by the title, his book encourages Coaches to look within and understand their own personal stories in an effort to answer four primary questions:

1. Why do I coach?
2. Why do I coach the way I do?
3. What does it feel like to be coached by me?
4. How do I define success?

As a young coach, I did a lot of things right. I worked with great coaches who were mentors to me, who very well may have answered those questions for themselves. But I can tell you I never stopped to answer those questions for myself. I wish I would have. Having that type of focus and self-awareness, and the ability to intentionally direct my coaching efforts on the resulting trajectory is incredibly valuable. Too often I have lived my life like the coach in the picture above. Trying to lead and direct others while unable to see people's real needs, both theirs and my own, and hoping for the best.

I found InSideOut Coaching at the public library. I also found it on Amazon. So check it out. Ask for it for Christmas. Borrow one from a friend. Just read it.

And if you are anywhere Kansas City or NW Missouri, plan to come and hear Joe Ehrmann speak on Saturday, January 21st in St. Joseph, MO. More information on that free event is here. I will be there and hope you are too.

80's Lyric

It wasn't my intention to mislead you

It never should have been this way

What can I say

- Martika (1989)

Selfish (next post 12/2)

2011-11-18T14:02:00.004-06:00

I'll spare you the gory details, but in 2000, as a 24-year old third year assistant high school coach, all the players on our varsity team were going to be let out of school early for a special team-building activity on a gameday. The only problem was that there were 25 or 30 JV players who were going to be left behind and a coach was needed to stay back with those kids. I was a natural choice to remain on campus but at the time I couldn't bear the thought of being the only one to miss all the fun, so another coach ended up being the one to stay. That episode earned me the nickname "Selfish". The nickname was created mostly in a tongue in cheek way (I think), and I didn't think too much of it at the time. Certainly I wasn't all that selfish. Or so I thought. In hindsight, it was actually pretty accurate. I am selfish. And lately for some reason I've become increasingly aware of just how selfish I can be.

Unlike that episode of 11 years ago, it's not any one thing lately that's brought me to this point of heightened awareness. More likely it's simply part of a maturation process, as I've realized more and more how many of my attitudes, thoughts and actions are created with nothing more than my own interests in mind. I am selfish. My former coaching colleague was right.

I'm selfish to the point that in an effort to combat this selfishness, I've begun asking myself this question repeatedly throughout each day: "Is my life about me, or is it about something greater?" Now, I don't know very many people who would readily admit they live for nothing other than themselves. It takes a unique type of arrogance to make that claim. But in some strange way, those who embrace their selfishness have much more integrity than I do. I try to hide my selfishness in all kinds of ways. When I do something for others, am I looking to receive credit? When I receive a compliment, does it encourage me appropriately or does pride swell in my heart? When faced with any decision, is my default to lean toward whatever provides me with comfort, security or pleasure? It's a tricky balance sometimes, because we have to look out for ourselves in the right ways in order to be what we're supposed to be for others. But even that idea proves my point. Am I taking good care of myself so that I can be useful and effective in my calling, or am I simply looking out for me?

Coaches are always looking for unselfish players or "team guys". If I really believe that I can't lead someone to a place if I don't know the way, then I must intentionally seek to remove selfishness from my heart. I can't preach and teach unselfishness to my players or my family with any level of integrity if I'm not taking definite steps to address it in my own life. The bad news is that my heart will always bend in that direction so this effort requires constant attention. The good news is that God is full of grace and mercy and is patiently working on me to make me more like His Son.

80's Lyric

She drives me crazy

Like no one else

She drives me crazy

And I can't help myself

- Fine Young Cannibals (1989)

Genius or Dummy? (next post 11/18)

2011-11-04T10:21:00.003-05:00

Clearly not all coaches are equally proficient. As with any other profession, some are better than others. The 10th best tennis player in the world is not as good as the 4th best, and so on. You get the idea.

On the other hand, here's something I just don't buy. Last Monday night I watched the Chiefs beat San Diego 23-20 in overtime. It was an incredible game, filled with tension and exciting moments. If you care at all about the NFL, you've probably seen at least the highlight of what happened at the end of regulation. In position to kick the game winning field goal, the Chargers fumbled a snap which the Chiefs recovered. That one play gave the Chiefs a chance to win a game that was just about lost at that point. Victory from the jaws of defeat.

We get all that. We know it's a game of inches, the margin for error is incredibly small, and one play can change not only a game but a season or a career. Here's the part that I find especially interesting. The talk all over town is how Chiefs Coach Todd Haley has done a miraculous job with this team over the past month. His 0-3 team in now tied for first place with a 4-3 record. People have gone from thinking the Chiefs might be winless, to starting to talk about making a run at the playoffs. And Coach Haley has gone from having people wondering about his job security to now having those same people championing his cause for a contract extension. I completely agree that Coach Haley and his staff have done an amazing job. Keeping things together and keeping the players on board as bad as this season began is remarkable. Great job. And yet, I also realize that if one opponent's snap is properly executed, most likely this team is 3-4 and no one is talking playoffs or contract extensions.

We see it all the time. The winning coach is brilliant, and the losing coach is a dummy. Even if the outcome of the game was decided by a kick that just missed, or a foul shot that rimmed out, or a fan reaching out of the stands to grab a baseball, or a snap being fumbled. Sorry, but I don't buy that. Was Bobby Bowden a fool in 1991 and 1992 (wide right 1 and 2), who became a genius when he coached an unbeaten national champion years later? No.

As a coach I have to own the part of the game that I can control, which is considerable, but also be willing to admit that some of it is out of my hands. And to base part of my opinion of myself and the job I'm doing on external factors that I cannot control is a recipe for misery.

I live in the real world and I realize that coaches usually get hired and fired based and wins and losses. I also know that focusing on the outcome and result, rather than on creating and executing a championship caliber process has burned out many an outstanding coach. Don't let it be you.

80's Lyric (translated)

He was the first punk ever to set foot on this earth.

He was a genius from the day of his birth.

He could play the piano like a ring and a bell

And ev'rybody screamed: Come on, rock me Amadeus.

- Falco (1985)

Put Your Arms Down (next post 11/4)

2011-10-21T09:19:00.005-05:00

I've been watching a lot of youth sports this fall. Our 11-year old son is playing tackle football and our 7-year old just finished up with fall baseball. There are a lot of committed, wonderful, generous people coaching in these youth leagues. I also see a good bit of animated gesturing from these coaches, as coaches do what the man in this picture is doing. It's directed at kids who make a mistake. It's directed at officials. I've even seen coaches on the same staff direct it at each other when they disagree. And what I've observed in youth coaches is clearly not unique to youth sports. Coaches at all levels are guilty here.

Unfortunately, putting one's arms out like this for all to see pretty clearly communicates "What do you think you're doing and why aren't you as smart as I am?" And no matter how hard I try, I can't figure out how that helps anybody get better or fix a mistake.

I'm certainly not perfect, and I've done my share of regrettable things as a coach, but this type of gesturing is one part of the coaching culture that needs to go away. We can handle difficult situations and fix mistakes without putting on a show for others, and lamely trying to absolve ourselves of responsibility. Coaches, let's be aware of and in control of our body language.

80's Lyric

And I said, honey I'll live with you for the rest of my life

She said no hugg-ee no kiss-ee until you make me your wife

My honey, my baby, don't put my love upon no shelf

She said don't hand me no lines, and keep your hands to yourself

- Georgia Satellites (1986)

Memories (next post 10/21)

2011-10-07T12:52:00.005-05:00

A good friend of mine is an men's basketball assistant at a college here in Kansas City. Martin sent me a link to an online interview he gave recently. I love listening to great Coaches talk about what they do, so the whole video was interesting to me. And the part I liked best was when he talked about his team's visit to Italy last month. The way he described his enjoyment at watching the players drink in the whole experience was a great example of why he's a guy who "gets it". As much as he cares about winning, he still coaches the athlete first and the game second. The video can be found here.

If you played sports, think about what you remember from those years. How much do you remember from what your Coaches said? (I don't remember much, other than the one time I decided to count how many times one of my Coaches finished his sentences by saying "all right?". It was something like 47 times in about a 2 minute speech.) How much do you remember from practice? Probably relatively little. Even with the games, I can remember a play or two, here and there, but mostly it's all a blur. I'll tell you what I remember well. The trip our football team took to Miami to watch the Canes play in the fall of 1992. They were awesome that year, eventually finishing as national runner-up. They played West Viriginia on a Saturday night in October. We watched Gino Torretta continue his march toward the Heisman. On the ride home, some of my older teammates gave one of our younger teammates some of their Skoal, and he threw up out the bus window. Not saying that's a good thing, just saying I remember. I do know this much -- on that trip we experienced things that brought us together, mostly in intangible ways, but our team was much stronger for it. A group with average talent went on to win an unlikely district championship.

Even in my years as a Coach, with a few notable exceptions, I don't remember much of what my colleagues and I said. I don't remember a whole lot of things that happened at practices, and again, even most of the games kind of blend together. Did we play East Lake in the playoffs in 2002, or was that 2003? I don't know. I used to know, but it just doesn't stick. You know what I remember? Cutting practice 90 minutes short and taking the team on a two mile run to the beach where we ate watermelon on ice out of the back of a pickup truck. I remember most of the things I saw at our annual "skit night". And I remember pretty much everything I saw, heard and did at the funeral of one of our players.

Most of the athletes you serve won't remember a whole lot of details about what went on in your program. But providing a handful of memorable experiences each season will accomplish a few things, and Rod Olson writes about this in the Legacy Builders series for Coaches. First, you have the opportunity to clearly communicate that you care about your players for reasons beyond what they can produce on the field, track or court. Secondly, these athletes will most often grow up and become Coaches who coach the way they were coached. If a handful of these memories helps them understand that there's more at stake than winning games and rings, that message will come home to roost for generations to come. (That's why Legacy Builders is such a great title).

Why not make the effort to include some memorable experiences in your program? Anyone can do it, and it works whether you're touring Italy together or just enjoying watermelon on the beach.

80's Lyric

Now the lights are going out

Along the boulevard

Memories come rushing back

And it makes it pretty hard

- Warrant (1989)

Apart From Me (next post 10/7)

2011-09-23T09:20:00.007-05:00

There are many things I'm not very good at. I'm not good at home repair. I'm not good at putting things together. I'm not good at songwriting, farming, or drawing straight lines. When faced with any one of those tasks, it is easy for me to recognize my deficiencies and ask for the help I need.

On the other hand, there are some things I am pretty good at: algebra, for example. I also think I'm pretty good at caring about people. And I know that I'm a really good Dad. I'm one of the best Dads I know. This is not my opinion, but a certifiable fact. At least that's what I thought.

So imagine my discouragement when recent events in my family caused me to doubt myself as a parent. It was devastating. This was the one area of my life where I had absolutely no doubt about my ability. When I was 20 years old, I came across as a pretty arrogant dude. I definitely thought a lot of myself. However, over the past decade and a half, reality has set in and I had come to believe there are people who are better than I am at just about everything I do. Everything, that is, except as a Dad. And I was absolutely crushed as a result of this crisis of confidence. Crushed. Tears. And plenty of them.

The point? Although I had given God control of and credit for most everything I do, the job of being a Dad was one I was content to do myself. Because I was so good at it, I didn't need any help. Not even from God. Or so I thought.

If you're reading this, you're probably a pretty good coach. The people who visit this site are typically outstanding at what they do, or they wouldn't take the time to read things designed to make them think about how to get better. So since you're a good coach, are you doing it yourself, or have you embraced the truth that Jesus is the vine and we are the branches, and apart from Him we can do nothing? Apart from Him we can do nothing that lasts. We can do nothing of significance. It sounds discouraging at first, even as I type the words. But it's not discouraging. It's the best news imaginable, because we don't have to do anything apart from Him. He has promised to be with us in all we do, all the time, until the very end of the age.

God made me a good Dad, but I cannot be the Dad He wants me to be until I yield every bit of it to Him. God made you a good coach, but you cannot be the coach He wants you to be until you yield every bit of it to Him.

80's Lyric

So many times

I know I could have told you

Losing you, it cut like a knife

You walked out and there went my life

I don't want to live without you

On my own

- Patti LaBelle and Michael McDonald (1986)

Fear Not (next post 9/23)

2011-09-09T12:27:00.006-05:00

( There's nothing particularly relevant to coaches or athletes in the picture this week, but when I did a search for "scared face", this one was too good to pass up.)

FEAR. The very word brings to mind vivid images and memories. Fear is powerful. It can make us do all kinds of things; some good, some not so good. Fear inspires me to behave responsibly at times. For example, I pay my electric bill, not because I have a warm, rosy relationship with KCP&L, but because I fear having my power turned off. Fear clearly isn't a bad thing in all circumstances.

However, when fear becomes a primary motivator in the workplace, or in relationships, it's another story altogether. Over and over, we read in the Bible that we are to "fear not", or "don't be afraid". The exact phrase "do not be afraid" appears 70 times in one commonly used transalation of the Bible.

Why does God work so hard to hammer home the point that fear is the enemy? It makes sense if you think about it. Fear can certainly be an outstanding short-term motivator, but fear has been clearly tied to: stress and employee dissatisfaction, reductions in creativity, resistance to taking direction, and overall poor performance. None of those things embody how we were created to live. Nothing on that list describes what we're hoping to accomplish in the lives of those we lead.

As a coach, although I make no claim to be God, my players should fear me in the sense that they have a healthy level of respect for the position and authority I have. Beyond that, though, fear has little, if anything, to do with leading people to achieve optimum levels of performance. Fear is debilitating and enfeebling. Help an athlete overcome fear, and you have set that person up for their best possible chance at success, in all aspects of life.

We face similar challenges off the field. When I find myself grappling with an uncertain future, and playing the 'what if?' game, (what if I mess up my kids? what if I lose my job? what if we lose this game? what if we lose two in a row? what if I write a lousy blog post? what if we hold a clinic and nobody shows up?) all of those questions are 100% coming from a place of fear. And that kind of fear is a clear demonstration of my lack of faith. The kind of faith that trusts that God is who He says He is. The faith that believes He has me and my life firmly in His grip. The faith that knows that "perfect love drives out fear" (1 John 4). In the famous Bible story, when Peter walked on the water to go out to Jesus, (Matthew 14), he was doing fine until "he saw the wind, he was afraid".

Where do I have my eyes? On Jesus, or on the "wind" in my life?

80's Lyric

Someday you'll be shedding your tears

To cry over me

Someday I'll be losing this fear

- Glass Tiger (1986)

Wait! (next post 9/9)

2011-08-26T11:05:00.010-05:00

I do this about once a year. I'll read something and think, "Wow, that's better than whatever I was going to write" and I'll post it in this space. One of my good friends sent this to me a week ago and I loved it. I thought the first paragraph of the article spoke straight to the heart of coaches -- what coach isn't well acquainted with anxiety and tension?

Written by Rick Warren, Pastor of Saddleback Church in Southern California and author of The Purpose Driven Life, this article inspired me to connect more deeply with God this week. I have taken Pastor Warren's challenge outlined below (actually, I'm 5 days in out of the recommended 7), and have been blessed by the peace unmatched peace of Christ. As you go about your week, I encourage you to do the same.

When Things Fall Apart, Get Alone and Wait on God by Rick Warren

When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions. Wait for hope to appear. (Lamentations 3:28-29 MSG)

The concept of waiting on God is a spiritual habit. It is the single greatest antidote to anxiety and tension. It's a spiritual discipline that you must learn to do or you will be under stress your entire life.

This is what it means to wait on God: you sit down and shut up. Find a place to be quiet and sit still in silence. Don't read anything. Don't pray. Just take some deep breaths, sit before God and say, "God, I'm just going to wait on you." It's amazing what a calming ability this has on your heart and mind. "Those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. ...They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31 NLT)

God wants to talk to you. If you aren't hearing him, it's because you aren't making time in your schedule to listen to him. You're too busy listening to your iPod, playing with your iPad, watching television, playing video games or talking on your cell phone. You might be overworking.

If you want to hear God, you need to sit in silence. Turn off all electronics and remove yourself from all the distractions. Find a comfortable place and sit there. Tell God you're waiting to hear from him and then listen. Be quiet.

This is what Jesus told the disciples to do: "Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace." (Matthew 6:6-7 MSG). That's the power of a quiet time.

So here is my challenge to you: Every day for the next seven days I want you to spend 10 minutes in silence before God. Tell God you're there to wait on him, and then just sit there. You can read a little bit and talk to God in prayer, but the majority of your time needs to be spent in silence before God. You'll be amazed at the new strength you will find.

"The Lord is good to everyone who trusts in him, so it is good for us to wait in patience--to wait for him to save us" (Lamentations 3:25-26 TEV). Wait in patience and wait for God to save you. When your world falls apart, you want to put it back together instantly, but that won't happen. It didn't fall apart instantly, and it's going to take time to put things back together. But wait patiently, because God's timing is perfect.

80's Lyric

So if you go away

I know that I will follow

Cause there's a place inside

My heart that tells me hold out

Hold out

Wait

I never had a chance to love you

- White Lion (1987)

Getting to Know You (next post 8/26)

2011-08-12T11:15:00.004-05:00

In the years I spent in coaching I had opportunities to develop some very cool relationships with athletes. In some cases, I actually took advantage of those opportunities. Unfortunately, there are many that I missed.

I try not to major in regret as I live my life, but this is one area where I certainly have some. I retired from full-time coaching at the ripe old age of 28, and at that point I was just beginning to scratch the surface of what it means to care about other people. And while I do believe that God has used me to impact people's lives in a positive way (often in spite of myself), I also know that if I could relive 1998-2004 there's a whole lot that I would do differently. There are dozens, maybe hundreds of people that I could intentionally get to know and invest in more than I did. This isn't haunting me or keeping me up at night, but when I think about it, there's a definite tinge of regret for the way I went about things.

Earlier this week I listened to a school district's superintendant talk about the start of his career in education and his time as an athletic coach. He talked about the people that, in his words, he should have spent more time caring about. He should have been working to build relationships with more of his players that transcended their sport, and that would live on beyond the season or even graduation. Obviously I understood where he was coming from.

Rod Olson also spoke that day, and showed a video from ESPN that featured the special bond between Urban Meyer and Tim Tebow. Those two men were able to develop something special that was WAY bigger than football. Along the way, they also won a bunch of games and a couple national titles, so don't believe the lie that a coach can't afford to get close to his/her players without losing some sort of mythical 'edge'. Maybe that was true in 1963, I don't really know. It certainly isn't true today. As coaches, we don't need to fear sharing life with the people we are charged with leading.

Of course, it's possible to take a player/coach relationship to places that are unhealthy or inappropriate. In his talk, Rod said, "when you can no longer hold the player accountable, you have gotten too close." Good to keep in mind, no doubt. But that said, who are the players that you have a chance to invest in this year, and get to know in a way that is more significant and enduring than a 3 month sports season? No regrets.

80's Lyric

The flowers you gave me

Are just about to die

When I think about what could have been

It makes me want to cry

- Tiffany (1987)

Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Amazing Things Among You (next post 8/12)

2011-07-29T13:33:00.004-05:00

It's been a long summer. And while it's not quite over yet, we are very near the beginning of a new school year. My family spent a good part of this week registering children for classes, shopping for supplies, loading up backpacks, and otherwise gearing up for the 2011-12 version of school time at our house.

For Coaches all over the country it's also time to gear up. Time to prepare for a year that has all the potential to be eternally significant for every one of us. Time to expect God to do great things this year.

Back in Old Testament times, after the nation of Israel was delivered from slavery in Egypt, as a result of their unpreparedness to receive God's blessing of the Promised Land, they were required to spend 40 years wandering the desert. In that time they were being pruned and prepared as a Nation. God knew that the people who entered this Promised Land were going to have to trust Him 100% if they were to successfully conquer the land. They were also going to need to trust Him 100% if they were to be the light to other nations that He desired them to be. Their time in the desert was not a vindictive punishment from God, but rather a time when He disciplined them to accomplish a greater purpose in the long-run.

At the end of their 40-year journey, just before they were to move in and possess the land, Moses' successor Joshua provided this word of encouragement to the people:

"Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you." (Joshua 3:5)

The word consecrate is often translated "sanctify", "dedicate" or "prepare", and carries the idea of setting apart or preparing for divine service. Joshua wants these people to understand that they have a role in the amazing things the Lord is about to do. Their role is to be ready. Their role is to acknowledge His position as God and King. Their role is to nestle themselves as close to Him as possible.

This summer may feel like it's dragged on for 40 years, but it's been just a couple months so far. Regardless of what the past two months have held for you, I can guarantee you that as a Coach, the Lord desires to do amazing things in you and through you this year. I hope you will join me in consecrating ourselves to Him, as we wait expectantly for Him to accomplish His purpose in the coming months.

80's Lyric

Are you ready

Are you ready for this?

Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?

- Queen (1980)

What's Holding You Back? (next post 7/29)

2011-07-15T15:02:00.004-05:00

I read this the other day:
"let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." (Hebrews 12:1)

Whenever I've read that before, my thoughts have gone to the "sin that so easily entangles" part. Obviously, as sinful patterns of both thought and behavior are dealt with in my life, I'm going to be more of who God created me to be. I'll be better able to carry out that which He's given me to do. That's the easy part of understanding Hebrews 12:1.

The part I haven't spent too much time thinking about in the past is the first part, the "everything that hinders" part. It's mentioned separately from the "sin that entangles" part, isn't it? It's definitely got me thinking now. I remember as a young assistant coach when I would attend our annual parent meeting, listening to our Head Coach explain to parents that our athletes' priorities during the season were intended to be their faith, family, academics and football, in that order. After that there was a line that said something like, "Notice this list does not include girlfriend, job, or car". Why? In the right context, what's wrong with a girlfriend, job or car? Nothing at all. Certainly many of our players had one or more of these while they played for us. But the message was clear -- there are some parts of life more important than what we're doing here, and there are many that are not. I always enjoyed that part of the parent meeting, because it reminded me that as a staff we knew there were good things that could get in the way of better things, and we did our best to ensure that our players and their families understood that as well.

In my life, what are the good things that have begun to hinder me? What good things do I need to throw off in favor of better things? At different points in my life that list has included everything from video games to fantasy football to cake. What is it right now? What is holding me back from running the race marked out for me, and do I have the wisdom to recognize it and the courage to throw it off?

80's Lyric

Holding back the years

Chance for me to escape from all I've known

Holding back the tears

Cause nothing here has grown

- Simply Red (1985)

It's Always Something (next post 7/15)

2011-07-01T08:57:00.013-05:00

I spent the last four mornings as part of a team that planned and ran the football portion of a camp that also included 10 or 11 other sports and activities for children ages 6-12. We had 50 football campers, and the camp had a reported 415 kids involved overall. It was an amazing week, an absolute blast, and everything seemed to come together just about perfectly. The church who ran the camp gave our football staff 18 prizes to give away to boys who had won contests or demonstrated outstanding attitudes during the week, which I thought was a really nice bonus.

We finished the final competitions, gave away the prizes (and I went out of my way to explain that we had only 18 prizes, but I wished we had more; that all the boys had been a lot of fun to work with and that it had been a great week for all of us.) I was feeling really good about everything until we came in and I couldn't help but overhear the mother of one of our football campers on a rant on her cell phone. She was very angry that 18 boys had been singled out while 32 boys, most of whom had been great to work with as well, went home empty handed. She was saying that her son was "devastated" that he hadn't won a prize, while his "much lazier" (her words) friend had been recognized by his group leader. She mentioned that Jesus wouldn't be caught singling people out and making others feel bad. I'm really not sure where she got that one.

At first I was shocked and felt bad that she and her son were so upset. As I stood there and thought about it some more, I remembered something I've learned repeatedly in the past. We can do our absolute best to provide a great experience for those we coach, but at the end of the day we won't make everyone happy all the time. I'm sorry she left camp with a bad taste in her mouth, but maybe this was a chance for her to explain to her son that the real reward of camp were the things he learned and the fun he had at camp - not the prize that less than half the campers got to take home with them. Or that sometimes people who are giving out kudos get it wrong, and we have to be OK with that.

I understand the boy's reaction - I do remember what it's like to be a little kid sitting there while people are giving stuff out, hoping they call your name, and being disappointed when they don't. I also think that adults have a responsibility to help young people work through those situations, to learn and grow from them. Not pour gasoline on their emotional fires.

As a Coach, I have to be content with doing my best to teach, serve and love those who I am working with. I need to trust that God is pleased with my attitude and effort. And I should remember that if I'm looking toward people to validate my work I will regularly be disappointed.

80's Lyric

I could say day, you'd say night

Tell me it's black when I know that it's white

's always the same, it's just a shame, that's all

- Genesis (1983)

Think Before You Yell (next post 7/1)

2011-06-10T12:19:00.007-05:00

Due to upcoming travel, there's going to be a three week gap between this post and the next. That is, unless I see something that compels me to write and I just can't wait.

Something I witnessed up close last week has compelled me to write today. It was a moment I could have easily missed, as it happened fast. I was on the baseball field, pitching to my son's team in a "Coach Pitch" league of 7 year olds. One of our players hit a slow roller up the first base line. The kid playing first for the other team was hesitant - should he go hard after the ball and vacate the bag, or should he stay home and hope a teammate could get to the ball in time? It wouldn't have been an easy play or an obvious choice for an experienced ballplayer. This little guy had no chance. As our runner safely made it to first, I heard the other coach scream, "Hey, that's your ball!! Go get that ball!!" He sounded very angry, like he was personally offended. (Never mind that 80% of fair balls in this league result in runners reaching base). The boy and I briefly made eye contact and I could tell he was fighting tears. It broke my heart.

In the scheme of things, was this a big deal? I don't know. It probably wasn't. But how do we know that? At the very least, this coach missed an opportunity to teach in a way that communicated that he values this boy. My first thought was, "how are you going to scream at a kid who's seven?" No way is that called for. Since then I've been thinking, "at what age does it become OK to scream at someone that you are in authority over?" I wonder how that man would have felt if someone showed up at his workplace and screamed at him in front of co-workers. I know this much, if I'm going to scream at someone I better know exactly what I'm saying and exactly why I'm saying it. I'm speculating a little, but this guy seemed to scream and yell because he didn't know what else to do. He wanted the people who watched his player struggle that it wasn't the coach's fault, it was the boy's. Ego was all over that act. And I know this much too - if ego or pride has anything to do with why I'm screaming at someone then I am wrong. 100% wrong. I dare say that most negative screaming and yelling that coaches do falls into that category. Ego and pride.

Is it really that hard to let the inning end, pull the kid aside and clearly explain to him what happened and what he could have done differently? I don't think so, and that certainly seems like the best way for a coach to get his/her point across. Baseball is full of so many little decisions based on situation that there's no way a young kid can be prepared for everything. Whatever sport you coach is probably similar in that respect. That makes it all the more important that we seize teachable moments and communicate well. How can we expect young athletes to learn and improve any other way? That day, the only thing I saw that boy learn was that if I "mess up", coach gets mad. I think of the first 5-6 years I spent in coaching and wonder how many times I operated from that place myself. Probably too many to count.

80's Lyric

The phone rings in the middle of the night

My father yells what you gonna do with your life

Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one

- Cyndi Lauper (1983)

Faith Lends a Hand (next post 6/10)

2011-05-27T13:59:00.004-05:00

Merely looking at the images was devastating, so I can't imagine what it was like to live through one of the tornadoes that struck in Joplin, or other parts of Missouri and Kansas earlier this week.
Most of us who weren't impacted directly wonder how to help those who were. In James chapter 2 (v. 15-16)we read that authentic, life changing faith inspires us to care for the physical needs of those who are lacking. So for any who find their way to this blog, I hope you will read the following, taken from the KC FCA webpage. God bless.

How You Can Help

1. Make a donation to Heart to Heart International for their relief efforts in Joplin, MO. You can write a check or donate online.

2. You may consider giving to the Salvation Army which was one of the first responders to this disaster or Samaritan's Purse.

3. You may help by donating blood to your local Community Blood Center. Local Community Blood Centers are located at:

Overland Park, 10568 Metcalf Ave., 913-339-9267
Olathe, 1463 E. 151st ST., 913-829-3724
Kansas City, 4040 Main, 816-753-4040
Blue Springs, 1124 W 40 Hwy, 816-224-0728

4. Read the letter from FCA's Wes Simmons about a special benevolence fund that's been established to aid the families of coaches in Joplin who have lost their homes, and consider a gift to that fund.

Running Through Walls (next post 5/27)

2011-05-13T12:57:00.008-05:00

We’ve all heard the expression – “that kid would run through a wall for his coach”. What if we had a whole team of kids who would run through a wall for us? Wouldn’t that be sweet? Those kids would practice harder, train harder, maximize their potential to play better, and put themselves in the best possible position to win every time they took the field or court. Is it possible to have a whole team that buys into a coach’s program to the point where they all give maximum effort with a great attitude all the time? If so, how do we get there?

It took time, but Jesus got there. He took 12 guys who were by all accounts pretty average (at best). He spent three years emptying Himself into those guys, and stayed patient as they waffled between success and some really ugly failure. After His resurrection, after He appeared to them over a period of 40 days, He left them on their own. But they weren’t on their own, since in Acts chapter 2 the Holy Spirit comes on the scene and takes these believers and many more and infuses them with a supernatural courage and conviction that defies explanation. Take 10 minutes and read Acts 2-5 (click here to read it) and see if you’ve ever seen a more remarkable turnaround story. They go from huddling together in secret to taking on the world. The Bad News Bears and the Cleveland Indians of “Major League” have nothing on the original followers of Jesus when it comes to unlikely success. At the end of their lives, 11 of the original 12 disciples were executed for their Christian faith. That's running through a wall if I've ever seen it.

So what does that have to do with me? Plenty, I believe. I can apply this to my life as a Coach, as I lead and guide athletes to discover what they’re capable of. My coaching must be infused with plenty of patience and love, while never wavering from the belief that every player individually and our program collectively are capable of achieving more than we could imagine. I must communicate that belief out loud to everyone involved in our program. Then I must be patient as each player learns to trust me and trust themselves to the point where they will run through walls - not because they have to, but because they are glad to.

I can also apply this to my pursuit of God. I don't want to spend time with God out of obligation. Doing something because I have to takes most of the joy out of it. And the more I think about it, while there's certainly something to be said for discipline and routine, I don't think God's all that interested in having me show up just because I'm supposed to. If my 11-year old came to me and said, "OK Dad, I know you made that dumb rule about how we have to play catch in the yard for 10 minutes every day, so here I am" that would be totally lame. I'd rather skip it if that's his attitude. I think God wants to take me to the place where every moment of every day is infused with His presence and everything I do is intended for His glory. As that becomes the reality of my existence, opportunities to have focused alone time with God don't seem like a duty, but maybe more like a chance to slow down and catch up with a great friend. Who wouldn't enjoy that? God is leading me to a place where I would gladly do anything for Him, because my life is so caught up in Him that there's no distinction between the 'regular' things I do (like eating, driving, washing dishes or coaching football) and the 'Christian' things I do (like praying or Bible reading). It's ALL for His glory. I want Jesus to say, "that guy would run through a wall for Me."

80's Lyric

Saw my picture in the paper

Read the news around my face

And now some people don't want to treat me the same

When the walls come tumblin' down

When the walls come crumblin' crumblin'

When the walls come tumblin' tumblin' down

- John Mellencamp (1983)

From Head to Heart (next post 5/13)

2011-04-29T12:37:00.010-05:00

The last post I wrote focused on the question "do we love Jesus, or do we mostly just love the stuff He gives us?" In the last couple weeks, I haven't really stopped thinking about that question. We celebrated His resurrection on Easter last weekend, and the question ran through my mind almost nonstop. Earlier today someone told me that the number of prophecies and predictions that Jesus fulfilled was large enough that you'd have a better chance of filling the entire state of Texas 12 inches deep with quarters and picking the right coin out of the bunch than having one man's life so accurately fulfill all those prophecies.

When it comes to facts like that, part of me loves them and another part doesn't like them much at all. I understand the point - there are people who have logical objections to the idea that the Son of God came to earth, born of a virgin, lived roughly 33 years, was executed and was raised back to life. I have no such objections, and the fact that I don't is due at least in part to cool facts like the one above about all the quarters in Texas. I'm convinced! I would bet my life on it.

But here's the problem - the initial decision to follow Jesus is an obvious one once the facts are examined, but it's not enough. If you had two buses in front of you and somehow you knew with 100% certainty that one bus would crash and one wouldn't, you would get on the non-crashing bus. But that doesn't guarantee you would want to know how the bus got there, or would feel compelled to become best friends with its driver.

When it comes to Christianity, while I might initially climb onto the bus simply because I'm fully convinced that Jesus is telling the truth about who He is, I also understand that He has provided the opportunity for us to experience infinitely more than a safe ride to eternity. He created us for total commitment to Him in the context of a passionate love relationship. The kind of relationship that allows us to consider everything that is good about our lives as trash compared with the greatness of knowing Him. And I know I'm not there. Over the past three decades I've sung lyrics like "I love you Jesus, more than anything" and "Oh, how I love Jesus", and I wonder how true it is. I certainly want it to be true, but if I'm honest, it's often not the case.

Great coaches knowthat providing information and knowledge to athletes is necessary, but that optimal performance is possible only when the athlete is reached at a heart level. I'm praying that God will connect my brain with my heart more completely as I seek to understand just how wonderful this bus ride is supposed to be.

80's Lyric

Something happens and I'm head over heels

Ah don't take my heart

Don't break my heart

Don't, don't, don't throw it away

- Tears for Fears (1985)

Do You Truly Love Me? (next post 4/29)

2011-04-15T10:10:00.008-05:00

In the Book of John, chapter 18, we witness colossal failure. Peter, who has walked closely with Jesus for three years, has just denied knowing Him 3 times in order to save his own skin. In chapter 21, after the resurrection, Jesus intentionally seeks out and restores Peter. Peter is asked 3 times, "do you love me?" We read later in the New Testament that Peter goes on to be an incredibly powerful leader of the early church. That question from Jesus to Peter, "do you love me?" has me thinking. What if Jesus were to ask me that question..."Ryan, son of Big Jim, do you truly love me?" I know my answer would likely sound much like Peter's, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." But do I? Do I really? I just finished a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan, and in the book these questions are posed,

"Are we in love with God or just His stuff?"

"Do you love this God who is everything, or do you just love everything He gives you?"

"Do you believe that God is the greatest thing you can experience in the whole world?"

"Do you believe that the Good News is not merely the forgiveness of your sins, the guarantee you won't go to hell, or the promise of life in heaven?"

I have to admit, I often come at Jesus with the mindset of gratitude for His willingness to redeem me for eternity (which is certainly a good thing to be grateful for), but I fail to appreciate the opportunity He's given me to love Him. I try to have the proper amount of reverence and awe, but like Francis Chan, I've gotten used to "focusing on His fearsomeness to the exclusion of His great and abounding love".

I've spent the last few days pondering this, and asking God to help me fall in love with Him like never before. I want my love for Jesus to the THE defining quality of my life. Not Jesus and anything else; just Him. Period.

I've also been trying to figure out how to make this an idea for coaches, since this blog is intended for a coaching audience. Rather than use some cleverly contrived analogy, I'll leave it simply at this. When Jesus is our first love, as we allow Him to teach us to love Him with all our heart, soul and mind, when heaven sounds great not because we'll have an eternity free from grief, but rather because He is there and we will be with Him, as that love begins to characterize everything about us, we will do everything we do, (including coaching with a purpose and an eye on eternity) in a way that we could never experience otherwise.

That's what I'm praying for myself and for you. I want us all to live every day madly in love with Jesus.

80's Lyric

My love, there's only you in my life

The only thing that's right

My first love, you're every breath that I take

You're every step I make

- Diana Ross and Lionel Richie (1981)

It's Supposed to Be Fun, Right? (next post 4/15)

2011-04-01T10:14:00.012-05:00

Warning: the following is a personal story about coaching youth sports. No names are mentioned, no identities compromised, but all the same, read at your own risk. If you are bored by reading stories by some guy writing about his own experience coaching 10 year olds, don't say you weren't warned.

Last year, when told there were no volunteers to be the head coach of my oldest son's spring flag fb team, I volunteered to do it. The learning curve was steep, and early in the season my inexperience in that league was evident. I had little idea how to devise schemes that were age appropriate, and didn't really know what we were going up against from the other teams in the league. We took some lumps for the first half of the season, and by the second half had progressed considerably. By the end of the year, we could play with anybody, and usually came out ahead.

So I was excited to come back and coach in the same league again this year, although out of 20 players only 3 were with us last year. We're basically starting over, but I learned so much last year that I expected things to go much, much more smoothly this time around. In most ways they have, with one main exception. Last year's group was a fun group of kids. They got along really well, and honestly, I feel like the way we coached them helped them get to that point. We had only very minor issues with attitude and effort, and I felt great about the season we had. This year's group of kids are also a lot of fun. The thing is, at times the fun crosses the line of goofy and loose, and ventures into disrespectful and detrimental. The problem is this - I know they're kids, and I want them to have a good time. Otherwise, there's no point in any of us being out there. At the same time, I need to figure out how to communicate to children the difference between goofy and disrespectful. I think I also need to "lighten up" in a pretty big way. I don't want to be what I was at times last night - a crabby taskmaster. That attitude of mine resulted in some of the more focused kids taking my lead and saying things like, "Come on guys, we've got to be serious here!" Well, yes and no. We don't really need to be "serious" here, you're a bunch of kids playing a game. At the same time, a healthy dose of respect and focus is certainly going to help all of us play better and enjoy the season more.

I want to nip this in the bud, and so some attitude adjustment on my part, along with some newfound awareness on the part of the kids are probably both in order. I know I need to find the right balance between fun and focused, and help these kids find it for themselves as well. In the long run, that could end up being a pretty cool skill for them to develop in their lives. I pray I can keep that in mind the next time some kid decides to be Mr. Funnyman at practice.

80's Lyric

Rip it up

Cool down

Rip it up

And get the feeling not the word. Ev'rybody have fun tonight

Ev'rybody have fun tonight

Ev'rybody Wang Chung tonight

- Wang Chung (1986)

What's Your Mission? (next post 4/1)

2011-03-21T12:43:00.007-05:00

For some reason the idea of legacy has been swimming all around in my mind lately. It's funny because for almost three years a huge part of my job has been participating in and leading discussions from the wonderful Legacy Builders discipleship series. I don't really know why it's taken me all this time to really begin to care what happens to my family generations from now; probably I've been too selfish to care. But I've heard a few comments from others and had a few new ideas of my own and now I'm spending some real time thinking about what the lives of the great-great grandchildren of my four sons might be like. I'm thinking about what I can be doing now to help those people I will never meet in this life become all that God wants them to be. And as I think through this, one word has come up over and over: MISSION.

We've all seen mission statements. Jerry Maguire stayed up all night writing one. FCA has one that I know well and love. Even in the aforementioned Legacy Builders study, the members of the group are encouraged to write a mission statement for themselves. I've gone along with the idea, written something down about loving God, loving my family and working hard. But for some reason, I've never come up with anything that really stuck.

I've been reading Better Dads, Stronger Sons by Rick Johnson, and the book is filled with really good, Biblical insight into the power of Dads to influence their sons. This is not a new idea of course, and as I read I've been thinking that while the father/son relationship is certainly unique, there are principles of leadership that apply more or less across the board. So if it's good for a company to have a mission statement, then it's probably good for a family, school, or athletic program to have one as well. At the same time, the value of the mission statement itself is minimal if the members of the group are unfamiliar with it or uninspired by it.

In thinking through what kind of men my sons and I ought to be, I've been working on a first draft of a mission statement for the men in our family. So far I've come up with this:

As a Krzykowski man, I will:

- Treat others with kindness and respect

- Protect the weak, both with my words and my actions

- Be courteous, polite and clean

- Do my best to allow God to eliminate any gaps between my public and private lives

- Refuse to be mastered by fear, and trust God always

- Change the world forever by being a man of honor

As I look at that list, I know there's overlap between some of the points. I know it doesn't read like a traditional mission statement, but I really like lists and bullet points. (Hopefully my children and their descendants will feel the same way.) We're definitely early in the process; I'm still trying to figure out exactly how to go about incorporating the mission statement into everyday family life. But I can't help but wonder, what if these ideas could last in my family and beyond for generations, even centuries?

I could take a similar approach to coaching a team. No doubt it's a little different with athletes, having only a few months or a few years instead of 18-20 years to instill the values and build the mission into them. But there's also no doubt that there is a tremendous opportunity to be used to create something great in the lives of people that could literally last forever. As a coach, what is this team/program about? Why do we exist? What do we want our athletes to take with them into their adult lives, and how do we achieve that result? Seems like it's worth thinking about.

80's Lyric

I'm on a mission, you better just listen

To my rhymes 'cause I'm all about dissin'

- Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock (1988)

Little Things (next post 3/18)

2011-03-04T14:35:00.005-06:00

Adversity makes us stronger. The lesson isn't a tough one to grasp intellectually. It stands to reason that going through things that are difficult makes us better equipped to deal with life. We gain perspective, we develop patience and mental toughness. I've thought about this and written about this plenty over the past year. But a few days ago I had a new spin put on the idea for me. We were talking in a group about doing what's commanded in James chapter 1, "Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds", and Romans 5, "we rejoice in our sufferings". We all agreed that being able to joyfully handle adversity is a learned behavior, something God develops in us over a period of time, usually years. We talked about some of the really tough stuff we've all dealt with in our lives.

But then one of the guys in the group threw this out there. He talked about how in his experience, we tend to focus on the major issues and really, really difficult situations in our lives when we think about this idea. And while there's no doubt that major tragedy is included in the adversity discussion, little annoyances are covered too. In my own life, I tend to want to give God the big stuff and handle the little stuff on my own. I realize He gave us brains and abilities to handle situations, and we certainly have a role to play in the process. But what I'm talking about is my tendency to think I'm the one who is in control when I'm trying to fix what I consider a small problem. I want to be the one responsible for making things right. I don't often even think to pray or ask for guidance from God unless the situation is one I consider big enough to bug Him with. On the other hand, I'm usually more than happy to get frustrated or "vent" to whoever happens to be within earshot. It happened again just a couple days ago. Some minor logistical issue at work had me complaining to myself and a coworker about how things needed to change. I never even asked God to help fix it.

The problem with that attitude is it's a clear indication that I don't realize how completely dependent I am upon Him for absolutely every single thing in my entire life. I can't provide my next breath. So to think that He wouldn't want me to at least acknowledge His ability and desire to provide guidance or even intervene is just silly. Absolutely silly. Learning to trust Him and grow through life's 'minor' issues can help develop the maturity and perseverance that we're looking for just as well as the big, major stuff that comes our way.

80's Lyric

Being without you, was all a big mistake

Instead of getting any easier, it's the hardest thing to take

I'm addicted to you, baby

You're a hard habit to break

- Chicago (1984)

Wisdom Teeth, Popcorn and Lessons Learned (next post 3/4)

2011-02-18T12:55:00.010-06:00

It was excruciating...at least by my low pain threshold standard of excruciating. One Sunday night about a month ago, the area around my lower right wisdom tooth just began to throb. (At nearly 35 years old, I still have all my wisdom teeth. I don't know if that's common or not. I feel like it isn't but I really have no idea.) I could hardly sleep at night, took more Tylenol than I had in years, couldn't chew on that side of my mouth, and after 3 days of no relief was about to schedule a dental visit. Suddenly, on the following Wednesday morning, a popcorn kernel shaving popped out of the gum area near that tooth. I hadn't been able to feel it in there - it was absolutely buried, and had finally worked its way free. Almost right away it felt a little bit better, but it was still pretty raw and uncomfortable. Very slowly, over a period of weeks, my mouth began to feel more and more normal. A month later, I can finally say that all traces of discomfort and pain have been eliminated.

As I have the habit of doing, I've tried to make a spiritual analogy out of this very routine, everyday, unspiritual problem of mine. (I've even gotten a little bit of amusement out of the fact that I've tried to gain wisdom from this episode with my wisdom tooth. Maybe they're good for something after all.) So here's what I've come up with:

1. Isn't it crazy how one tiny little piece of popcorn can cause such a painful problem? Like that one small flaw in technique your athletes have that puts them at a higher risk for injury or poor performance. Or maybe that one little sinful habit we can't seem to shake.

2. Isn't it interesting that even though the foreign object was removed after a few days, the pain lingered for a few more weeks? Like the ongoing, transformational process of an athlete who works to correct that mechanical flaw until finally getting it right for good. Or the sinner who is forgiven and saved all at once by an infinitely merciful God, and yet spends the rest of his/her life learning to live out the reality that "the old has gone, the new has come!"

3. Isn't it funny how unaware I was of the real source of the pain I was feeling? Like the Coach who doesn't realize how the baggage he carries from past hurtful experiences negatively affects how he deals with people in the present.

4. Isn't it wild how little control I had over all this? I couldn't feel the source of my pain. Therefore, I couldn't bring it into the light on my own - it just happened. And I wasn't the one who could make it heal once the problem was solved. Thankfully, God is good and I'm being sure to stay away from popcorn.

80's Lyric (from 1990, close enough)

You ask about my conscience

And I offer you my soul

You ask if I'll grow to be a wise man

When I ask if I'll grow old

- Jon Bon Jovi (1990)

Crazy Times (next post 2/18)

2011-02-04T10:32:00.005-06:00

This week has been an absolute killer of my routine. Due to blizzard conditions, over a foot of snow and a teacher inservice day, our boys went to school only on Monday. For two days, none of us left the house. The Coaches I work with were off for snow days. The discipleship groups and other meetings all missed this week. No big deal, not the toughest thing to deal with in the world, but there was a lack of order, a sense that 'this is not how things are supposed to be'. And honestly, although the week was certainly unusual, I was doing OK with it all up until yesterday morning. Just when I didn't think it could get any weirder, we watched on the news as our boys' school was on fire. As news came in about the fire, and it appeared that arsonists were responsible, I was equal parts angry, sad and curious about what the immediate future would hold for our children, their classmates and their teachers. I spent time praying that God would help work all this out. It just really disappointed me that these hundreds of kids and their families were having to adjust all their lives based on circumstances they had no control over.

(I've said this before, but let me say here that there is no comparing the adversity I'm writing about here with any permanent life altering situations. No one was hurt in this fire and in time it won't be an issue. Millions of people all over the world deal daily with much more difficult things. But this is what we're dealing with now, and it's certainly unfortunate.)

So yesterday, I was doing some reading and came across this piece by Sarah Young from her daily devotional book Jesus Calling. It was the message dated 2/3, and it read:

"I am with you and for you. You face nothing alone - nothing! When you feel anxious, know that you are focusing on the visible world and leaving Me out of the picture. The remedy is simple: Fix your eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. Verbalize your trust in Me, the Living One who sees you always."

Lord, help me fix my eyes on you rather than the visible world. I know You are for us. I trust You, the Living One who sees me always.

80's Lyric

Don't put your head on my shoulder

Sink me in a river of tears

This could be the best place yet

But you must overcome your fears

In time it could have been so much more

The time is precious I know

- Culture Club (1982)

Follow the Follower (next post 2/4)

2011-01-21T11:19:00.002-06:00

As Coaches we are leaders. Leadership is implied by the title, isn't it? What do leaders do? Well, they lead. The buck stops with them, they chart the course, they pave the way, they make the plans, and so on.

What else do leaders do? They follow. Watch an NFL playoff game and you'll see it. Lovie Smith learned from Tony Dungy who learned from Chuck Noll. Rex Ryan learned from his Dad. Mike McCarthy learned from Paul Hackett who learned from John Robinson. It seems like half the playcallers in the NFL can be traced back to Bill Walsh, and certainly Coach Walsh wasn't born an offensive guru. He had to follow someone else first too.

Great leaders are followers of great leaders. And every one of us is following someone or something. I watched a very gifted pastor a couple weeks back, and marveled at his command of God's Word and his ability to communicate truth to our congregation. It dawned on me that it's possible for him to be so effective only because he must be doing a really, really good job of following Jesus in his own life. And thinking about that made me want to do the same. I want to lead effectively - in my family and in my work, and the only way I can do that at my maximum potential is to allow God to lead others through me. Sound weird? Maybe.

In John chapter 10, Jesus talks about how his followers, or "sheep", recongnize his voice. He pledges to "lay down his life for his sheep", a very strong statement regarding the love he has for those who follow him. He states that he gives his sheep eternal life, and that no one can snatch them from his hand. He is leading them toward eternal safety, and they gladly follow. Reading that makes me wonder, do those who follow me recognize my voice and understand the love I have for them? Or do I communicate selfishness that causes them to tune me out? Do they know where I am leading them? For that matter, do I know where I'm leading them? Am I relying on the Lord to lead me as I lead others? Can I honestly look my sons, athletes, other Coaches in the eye and say to them, "follow me as I follow Jesus"?

80's Lyric

Follow me into a solo

Get in the flow - and you can picture like a photo

Music mixed mellow maintains to make

Melodies for MC's motivates the breaks

- Eric B. and Rakim (1988)

Struggle (next post 1/21)

2011-01-07T14:22:00.005-06:00

If you've seen any ESPN over the past couple weeks, you probably saw that the UConn women's basketball team saw its streak of 90 straight victories come to an end. What you maybe missed was the radio interview that Coach Geno Auriemma did about a year ago when he said that if they continued to go unbeaten into 2011 that he would walk away because there would be no point to continuing on without any competition. I don't think he was being serious - he wasn't going to quit the year before coaching in the 2012 Olympics. But even if joking, Coach Auriemma still made a point. Without a challenge to overcome, or a hill of some sort to climb, life is dull.

How often do I just want my life to be easy? How often do the athletes we coach want things to be easy? It's not too tough to understand that when life is easy, we are not challenged and pushed. We don't get better. Even more than that, when life is easy, it's probably nice for a while, but then it gets boring. Here's an example from my life this week: you might think this is dumb, but I don't care. My sons got a basketball hoop for Christmas, and before it could be used, it needed to be put together. For many, that's no big deal, you're probably pretty handy around the house. But for me, when I opened that box and saw all those pieces and directions, it made me want to burst into tears. I just don't do well with putting stuff together or building, and trying to follow the assembly instructions that come with things makes me ill. I don't know how people make sense of those things.

Anyway, I decided I was going to put this thing together myself. I took my time, followed the instructions, even improvised when needed. When I felt like quitting I thought about how much fun my boys would have shooting hoops in the yard. Eventually, it was finished. It probably took me an hour or so more than it would have taken someone who's got talent; someone like my Dad or my wife, but I did it. And honestly, when it was over I was glad it had been at least a little challenging. I was glad to have, in some small way, overcome an obstacle or two.

Let's be clear, the challenge of building a basketball goal or even coaching a team to 90 straight wins doesn't compare with the real-life challenges that many people face each day. Some types of challenges are much easier to be grateful for than others. But I bet a part of Geno Auriemma is glad that his team has some competition again. And he quite possibly has a newfound respect for his colleagues. If sports (and life) are about competing, then let's thank God for those people and circumstances that force us to strive to be the best we can be. I'll be thinking about that every time I shoot hoops with my kids.

80's Lyric

It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight

Risin' up to the challenge of our rival

- Survivor (1982)

A tool for the toolbox (next post 1/7)

2010-12-17T10:24:00.004-06:00

In his study on chapter 12 of Romans, teacher Chip Ingram refers to God's Word as found in the Bible as "the raw material of life change". If we accept that notion, and believe that there is power in God's Word, then it follows that we should seek to read, understand, think about, and memorize it. To do anything else really doesn't make sense. And playing off of the 'let's live life together' idea that I wrote about last time, getting into the Bible is much more easily accomplished with others. Maybe it's one other person; maybe a group.

In talking to people, I've come to believe that a significant number of those who desire to know God's Word, who want to spend time reading and processing what they read, don't actually do it very consistently. I've found that many of these people are looking for help. They seek guidance, and are looking for just a little bit of structure and a plan. They also want to know they're not alone, that others are joining them in the effort.

The Bible is a long book. It can be a very mysterious book. How can we come at it in a way that is enlightening, encouraging and sustainable, particularly for the reluctant readers among us? Glad you asked - here's the idea....

Take it one chapter at a time. Read through the one chapter 4 or 5 times over the course of the week. Read it fast sometimes, read it slowly sometimes. Chew on it. Ask yourself questions about it. Ask God questions about it. Talk about it with your friends. Then next week, move on to the next chapter. When you finish a book, choose another and keep going, one chapter at a time.

If anything about this idea is intriguing to you, we've developed a tool that can help. It's a website that can help guide you through the Bible. It's nothing super fancy. It's certainly not brilliant. It's just a tool that can help someone stay on track with his/her effort to know God's Word better. He has promised us that the good work He has begun in each of us will be carried on to completion. He has given us His Word as the 'raw material of life change', and I pray many will take advantage of that incredible offer.

The site is linked over on the side of this blog. It's called readacaw.blogspot.com. Readacaw stands for "read a chapter a week". Maybe not the catchiest title, but I hope you enjoy the site.

80's Lyric

It's Christmastime, there's no need to be afraid

At Christmastime, we let in light and we banish shade

And in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy

Throw your arms around the world at Christmastime

- Band-Aid (1984)

It's Rough Out There - We Must Stick Together (next post 12/17)

2010-12-03T11:29:00.008-06:00

Over the past few weeks I have continued to see reminders of how difficult people's lives can be. Not stuff that's happened to me directly, but a laundry list of tragedy. Young people lose their lives, relationships and marriages fall off the tracks, and the list goes on. At best all of it is discouraging sometimes. For those who are mostly directly impacted, it's beyond life changing.

For all of us, particularly those who are looked to for guidance and leadership, how we handle the most adverse of circumstances can go a long way toward shaping the attitudes of those we lead. And when attitudes are shaped well, lives are positively impacted for many years. When we can demonstrate courage and faith, a legacy of faith and hope has a chance to develop. 12 years ago, I had a chance to experience this first hand, when as a first-year Coach, one of our athletes passed away in mid-season. With a team to lead, full of young men looking to their Coaches, myself among them, I was able to take my cues and draw strength from my more experienced mentors. In an insanely difficult time, I learned invaluable lessons about our need for people to lean on. Galatians 6:2 instructs us to "Carry each others burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ", and it's one of many passages with a similar message. Life is often very hard - too hard for us to go it alone.

Maybe you're in a place like this now. Maybe life is beating the stuffing out of you, and you want to make it stop. Maybe you've lost hope, at least temporarily. Please know that although life can be brutally tough, there is always hope. Jesus has promised that He will never leave us, that He is with us always. And He has blessed us with people who care and love us. People who are put in place to help carry us through the worst that life has to offer. Are we willing to believe it?

80's Lyric

Remember when we used to talk

About busting out - we'd break their hearts

Together - forever

- Bon Jovi (1987)

Busy, busy (next post 12/3)

2010-11-12T14:05:00.004-06:00

In Kansas, high school winter sports teams begin practice on Monday next week. I was talking to a friend who is the Head Basketball Coach at his school earlier today. We talked about some new stuff they're going to be running this year. We talked about how he's got a spot for another assistant on his staff. Typical, right before the season starts kind of talk. This guy has been through a book and a half of Rod Olson's Legacy Builders discipleship series for Coaches, so I decided to remind him to consider using the 'Put-up Game' with his team this season. It's one of the best team-building and culture-enhancing techniques I've heard of (** I'll describe the put-up game, and credit its creator at the bottom of this post **).

His response was a great reminder to me of the demands on Coaches, particularly Head Coaches. He said something like, "That's a really good idea. My preparation to this point has been so focused on paperwork, bus schedules, eligibility, physicals, etc. that I haven't given much thought to motivating and inspiring my team."

As Coaches, really in all facets of our lives, it's so very easy to focus on the to-do list. To value productivity over people. To look at results instead of relationships. The very best Coaches have figured out how to get done what needs getting done, while making people a priority, and the success they enjoy is a by-product of that process.

** The Put-up Game: the best information I have credits legendary College Football Coach Frosty Westering with creating a tool for his players and Coaches to show appreciation for each other. There are a few variations of the 'game', but the simplest one I know goes like this. At the end of a practice or a game, have 3-4 players give their teammates a 'put-up', the opposite of a put-down. Rod Olson once told me that it might sound a little touchy-feely, but it can and usually will absolutely change the culture of a program.

It works for athletes of any age. I've used it myself with a group of 4th/5th graders, and it was very effective. We took a bunch of kids who didn't know each other at the start of a season, and 8 weeks later, they were tight. Along the way, there were zero (yes, zero) interpersonal issues between the kids. No teasing, no fighting, no complaining about each other. Unbelievable. Obviously, Coach Frosty used this with college athletes with positive results. What really winds up happening with an activity like this is that people feel loved. Showing love to our teammates and Coaches really doesn't have a downside.

80's Lyric

I'm so caught up in you, little girl

And I never did suspect that I'd be

So caught up in you, little girl

That I never wanna get myself free

-.38 Special (1982)

Seeds (next post 11/12)

2010-10-22T07:36:00.006-05:00

In my good friend Rod Olson's discipleship study for Coaches, Legacy Builders, there is a lesson that rocks my brain every time I go through it. It's called "Seed Planters", and a main theme of the lesson is that in the agricultural process, man has a role and God has a role. It is man's job to plant seeds and nurture them, while it is God's job to turn those seeds into a crop to be harvested. I have absolutely no idea how God takes a seed that is planted and cared for and turns it into corn, potatoes or squash. But it's safe to say that if the seeds are not planted or not cared for properly, the crop will fail to develop.

According to Rod (who takes his cue from Jesus), the discipleship process works similarly. Man has a role: plant seeds of faith in others with words and actions, and nurture those seeds with prayer. God has His role as well: take those planted/nutured seeds and produce the fruit of life change. We don't have the power to change people's lives. That's the work of the Holy Spirit of God.

The one part of the process that I struggle with often is the prayer part. Knowing how many people I could and should be praying for can cause me to feel like I'll never get to them all. At that point, prayer, one of God's greatest gifts to us, can become discouraging and even feel like a burden. I feel pressure to fulfill my responsibility to all the people that the Lord has put in my life. Then the downward spiral begins as I begin to feel guilty about the fact that I'm viewing prayer as a burden. So what do I do?

When I get to that point, I think it's important for me to take a step back. To remember who God is, and who I am. Jesus promises that when we accept His invitation to be yoked with Him, the "burden will be light" (Matthew 11:30). I need to realize the pressure I feel is self-inflicted, that God knows I won't pray perfectly, and that I can be content with doing the best I can. I also need to realize that prayer takes time, and that I can take joy in cultivating an amount of margin in my weekly schedule that allows for at least one or two periods of extended, focused prayer. Wow...now that I think about it, that might be the most significant point I've made in this entire ramble. Doing this well is going to take time, and building my prayer muscles is time very well-spent.

80's Lyric

When the night has been too lonely, and the road has been too long,

And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong,

Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows,

Lies the seed, that with the sun's love, in the spring becomes The Rose.

-Bette Midler (1980)

Hearing Voices (next post 10/22)

2010-10-08T10:40:00.006-05:00

This morning on the radio I listened to a conversation about what it's like for a new Head Coach to transition into a program. The consensus was, that no matter how highly competent and well-respected the new Coach is, there is a transition period required for his/her new athletes to really begin tuning in. A couple high profile examples were given of great Coaches who had a difficult time in their first couple years in a new home, until they could begin working with "their players" whom they had recruited. The athletes apparently had a hard time adjusting to the voice of their new leader.

It brought to mind a passage in John chapter 10 that I've read over and over lately. You may be aware that Jesus is known as the "Good Shepherd", a title he used for himself. He creates a powerful analogy of himself as the shepherd and his followers as his sheep, those who are completely dependent upon him for nourishment, protection from danger, and everything else they need. It's certainly a humbling analogy for those of us who follow him, but it is an incredibly comforting one as well.

A couple verses in particular that have been drummed into my head read like this:

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me. I give them eternal life and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand" (John 10:27-28).

Although my natural inclination is often to listen to my old coaches (myself and the selfish values of the world around me), I do much better to learn to tune in the message of my new Coach, the Lord Jesus, the Good Shepherd.

80's Lyric

I try so hard not to get upset

Because I know all the trouble I'll get

Oh, he tells me tears are something to hide

And something to fear

And I try so hard to keep it inside

- 'Til Tuesday (1985)

Low Fuel (next post 10/8)

2010-09-24T11:22:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I was in a hurry so I'd grab 2-3 gallons and go. Sometimes I would be in Kansas rather than Missouri, where gas costs about a dime more per gallon, so I'd do the same. Anyway, there was recently a 10 day stretch where my car was perpetually running on empty. The Low Fuel light on my dash was practically always on. Finally a couple days ago enough was enough, so I filled up (in Kansas even!) and that was that. A few days later, the tank is still nearly full and I don't have to think about it anymore.

Then I began to realize that my life was beginning to feel kind of the same way. Going and going and going, and feeling drained. But I'm supposed to be the 'ministry guy', right? I'm supposed to understand that God is the fuel I need to live the way I was intended to live. I need down time with Him to be at my best. Knowing that and actually doing that are sometimes two very different things. Finally a couple days ago, enough was enough. I dropped what I was doing and found a quiet place and at first, just sat. After about 5 minutes I began to pray. Then I read Romans chapter 12. Then I read John chapter 7. Then I read a page from my A Year With CS Lewis book. Then I wrote some thoughts down in my notebook and prayed some more. After an hour had gone by, I got up to get to my next appointment. I didn't feel all that different, but apparently I was no longer running on fumes. At the end of the day I felt fresh. I was nice to my family. Throughout the day, I didn't hear those commercials on the radio for 5 Hour Energy, and think, "I wonder if that stuff really works."

It's so obvious, and a little embarrassing that I have to keep learning this lesson over and over in my life. But time with God and in His Word, big chunks of it, is almost literally the fuel that we need to run at optimal levels. It's how we were created to live...in communion with Him. Right now as I type this I am praying for me and for you that we would be able to live that out consistently.

80's Lyric

Who can it be knocking at my door?

Go 'way, don't come 'round here no more.

Can't you see that it's late at night?

I'm very tired, and I'm not feeling right.

- Men at Work (1982)

Taking the Easy Way Out (next post 9/24)

2010-09-10T10:31:00.003-05:00

I've never done this before, and I don't plan to make a habit out of it, but this week has been nuts. Chances are you have a busy life too, so I'll spare you the list of events, both planned and unscheduled that sapped my energy this week.

So honestly, I was beginning to wonder if I'd be able to come up with a half way decent blog post today. And since there's not much more boring than reading a guy's thoughts about how he decided what to write, I'll stop this train of thought and keep things moving.

After reading something he wrote recently, I've decided to bring in a guest blogger. He's a little more accomplished as a writer than I am; fella by the name of CS Lewis. You've probably heard of The Chronicles of Narnia series. Maybe you've read Mere Christianity or The Screwtape Letters. When I read things that Lewis wrote 60 or 70 years ago, I often feel like he understands the world of 2010 better than I ever could. I figure if I'm going to have someone fill in for me, I might as well go with one of the greats. Anyway, the following is an excerpt from Mere Christianity, which is actually a book adapted from a series of radio talks that Lewis recorded from 1941 through 1944.

The title of this passage is "The Rule of Love", and I'm convinced it pretty much speaks for itself.

The rule for all of us is perfectly simple. Do not waste time bothering whether you 'love' your neighbour; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him. If you injure someone you dislike, you will find yourself disliking him more. If you do him a good turn, you will find yourself disliking him less. There is, indeed, one exception. If you do him a good turn, not to please God and obey the law of charity, but to show him what a fine forgiving chap you are, and to put him in your debt, and then sit down to wait for his 'gratitude', you will probably be disappointed. (People are not fools: they have a very quick eye for anything like showing off, or patronage.) But whenever we do good to another self, just because it is a self, made (like us) by God, and desiring its own happiness as we desire ours, we shall have learned to love it a little more or, at least, to dislike it less.

Nuf sed. Think about it.

80's Lyric

I'm gonna take a little time, a little time to look around me

I've got nowhere left to hide, it looks like love has finally found me

In my life there's been heartache and pain

I don't know if I can face it again

Can't stop now, I've traveled so far, to change this lonely life

-Foreigner (1984)

Two True Stories (next post 9/10)

2010-08-27T13:23:00.008-05:00

OK, here are two true stories. Honest and truly, absolutely 100% completely genuine accounts of factual information.

The first: earlier today I was checking my Yahoo email and there was a banner ad from a credit card company that read something like "An Easier Way to Get Money to Teens". Are you serious? I'm sure there potentially are situations for this idea, whatever it is, to be a good idea. But in general "an easier way to get money to teens" sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. As if through the years, teens have had difficulty figuring out ways to get money from their parents.

The only other thought I have is where was this financial solution for families 17 years ago, when it would have done me some good?

The second true story: early this week I was talking with a good friend about a little problem. A couple days later, things had actually gotten worse. I was beginning to get pretty bummed out about the whole thing. Then yesterday I got an email from him that read in part, "I feel like God put you on my heart this morning, so I thought I would send you a short message. I am lifting you up to God regularly and I know He will deliver."

Now, I realize there's nothing particularly powerful about those words themselves, but I can tell you that receiving that note absolutely was powerful. It made a huge difference, and I've been thinking about it ever since. After he got the idea to send me the note it probably took this guy about 2 minutes to type that message. If he had never sent it I would never have known the difference, and he most likely would have put it out of his mind after a few minutes. But that's not what happened. I was worth 2 minutes of my friend's time, and both of us were blessed.

I understand that we can't email every single person that pops into our head every day. I also realize that I'm not the first person to receive a bit of encouragement from a friend. But I know I can do a better job of intentionally demonstrating to people they are important. When we give and receive love, there's really no downside.

80's Lyric

I'm not a robot without emotions

I'm not what you see.

I've come to help you with your problems

So we can be free.

I'm not a hero. I'm not a savior.

Forget what you know.

I'm just a man whose circumstances

Went beyond his control.

-Styx (1983)

A Clean Slate (next post 8/27)

2010-08-13T13:25:00.007-05:00

New beginnings are awesome. For some it's January 1st. Or maybe the onset of spring. Perhaps a new season in life; a marriage, birth or career change for example.

That's why I love mid-August. It provides a new beginning for so many of us, especially Coaches and athletes. It's the dawn of a new school year, when every student has perfect grades and every team is unbeaten. By this time next month many of us will have tasted defeat in one way or another, but for right now, we all can enjoy spotless records. It's just beautiful.

That's also why I love Jesus. The fact that my mistakes are forgiven and wiped away by a Holy God and loving Savior still staggers me sometimes. It probably doesn't stagger me enough, since my gratitude can be weak and fleeting. But I know I am His forever, and I can live every moment of every day with a clean slate because of what He has done.

80's Lyric

Say my name, sun shines through the rain

A whole life so lonely, and then you come and ease the pain

I don't want to lose this feeling

- The Bangles (1989)

Ground Rule Double (next post 8/13)

2010-07-23T11:14:00.006-05:00

I heard a guy telling a story recently about playing in a summer league baseball game with some of his high school teammates. It was a night game and the lighting was apparently a little subpar. He was playing left field and a ball was hit deep to left center. It cleared the wall for a homerun, but the umpire incorrectly decided it had bounced over and awarded the batter a double when he saw the center fielder throw his arms up (which they had been coached to do on plays like this).

The Coach of the team batting came out and argued, saying the ball had gone over the wall on a fly. So the umpire actually walked out to left field and asked this kid if he saw the ball go over the wall or not. Knowing he had to choose between the truth and the wrath of his Coach, he chose the truth. The batter finished circling the bases and the game went on.

After the inning ended, this kid was chewed up and down by his Coach. Apparently Coach actually wanted to see his player lie to the face of an umpire in a summer league baseball game that would never appear in any standings and would be forgotten about 15 minutes after it ended.

It reminded me of my high school team. We used to practice a play where if there were runners on first and second, and we had a two-man umpiring crew, our runner from second would cut about 15 feet off of his turn around third base on a hit to the outfield. Our Coach knew that there was no way either of the umpires would be in a position to notice that our runner skipped 3rd base. At the time, I thought that was pretty cool. Looking back, I'm really glad we never had a chance to use that play in a game. Imagine scoring a meaningful run in a big game by using a dirty play like that.

There are all kinds of rationalizations for coaching plays and tactics like these. I've heard garbage like "if you're not cheating, you're not trying" and other stuff like that. At the end of the day, teaching young people to win by cheating is slimy at best, and potentially damaging to them in the long term.

80's Lyric

It's a tragedy for me to see

The dream is over

And I never will forget

The day we met

Girl, I'm gonna miss you

-Milli Vanilli (1989)

The Power of the Whistle (next post 7/23)

2010-07-11T13:35:00.006-05:00

I started as an Assistant Coach at a high school when I was barely 22 years old, and served there for 8 years. I never thought much about whistles back then, other than referring to our school's Head Coach as the "Big Whistle". Over the past 6 years, I haven't been on the field coaching a whole lot. But last week, I was given a powerful reminder of the power that Coaches have over people. I was blessed with a chance to work at a 3-night football camp for boys from 3rd-8th grade.

This might sound a little weird, and if you've been coaching for a while you have probably gotten used to having your athletes follow your directions at practice. But here I was, going through drills with groups of boys who had never met me before, and all I had to do was blow a whistle to get them to do all kinds of wacky things they probably wouldn't be inclined to do on their own. Chopping their feet in place, shuffling around, rolling on the ground, running at maximum speed even when they were tired, and more. It was kind of incredible when I thought about it. For many of these boys, they probably wouldn't do this stuff at home if a parent told them to. But having me introduced to them as 'Coach' and hearing that whistle was all it took.

There's power there, man. Being a Coach enables us to have the ability to get our players, and sometimes even strangers, to do whatever we say. It's a big deal, to have that power. What are we going to do with it?

80's Lyric

The boat's steaming in

I watch the sidewheel spin and I

Think about her when I hear that whistle blow

I can't change my mind

I knew all the time that she'd go

But that's a choice I made long ago

-Bruce Hornsby (1986)

A tale of two losers (next post 7/9)

2010-06-25T11:06:00.004-05:00

Even if you missed the match and didn't see any of the highlights, chances are you at least heard about the 11 hour first round tennis match that was played over three days at Wimbledon this week. American John Isner and Nicolas Mahut of France began the fifth and deciding set of their match on Wednesday after play was suspended by darkness on Tuesday evening. Certainly neither of them expected to play long enough for play to be suspended by darkness again on Wednesday, but that's precisely what happened as the 'first player to win 6 games, but you have to win by two' set was tied at 59 games apiece. I first caught wind of it when they were tied on Wednesday at about 31-31. I remember last year's men's final when Roger Federer beat Andy Roddick something like 16-14 in the fifth. That was incredible enough, but 59-59? I was glad to be able to be near a TV on Thursday when the match finally ended in an Isner victory at 70-68. Yes, 70-68! Absolutely unprecedented and likely never to be rivaled in our lifetime, this match was compelling for the many records that were broken, the stamina displayed by the athletes (there's nowhere to hide playing singles tennis), and the attention that two previously unheralded players were receiving.

After the match I was curious to see what would happen next. The All-England Club decided to make a show of it, recognizing the athletes for the show they had put on. There were gifts all around, photos taken, on-court interviews, and more. It was quite a scene. The whole time, I couldn't help but wonder what it was like for Mr. Mahut to battle through a match like this, wind up losing, and then be put through the post-match dog and pony show. He conducted himself like a champion. Clearly disappointed, he buried his head in a towel immediately after playing. He spent a couple minutes in his chair, then gathered himself and handled it all very impressively. Some might use the word 'classy' to describe his attitude. I hoped that in a similar situation (although I'm not sure what could be similar to that!), I would do as well as he did. I hope that my children would do as well as he did. I hope that athletes I've coached would do as well as he did. There was a time, on a much smaller stage, that I failed to do as well as Nicolas Mahut. I used to buy into the lie of "you show me a good loser, and I'll show you a loser". What a load of bull that is. Let me show you.

In 1993, I was playing what wound up being my last high school game in any sport. About a month before graduation, our baseball team was in the district finals, and a win would put us in the state tournament. I had never played in the baseball state tournament, and wanted it badly. And by badly I mean really, really badly. Long story short, we lost our lead late in the game and came to bat in the last inning down by a run. I flied out to left field for the last out of the game, and it was over. I went into my, 'let me stomp around and pout to show everybody how upset I am' routine. In hindsight...not pretty. Season was over, baseball playing days were over, and I was really hurting. I didn't realize at the time how much my self-worth was wrapped up in athletic achievement. So the time came to award our team the 2nd place in the district trophy. One other guy from the team and I were sent out there by the Coach to take the trophy from the tournament director. They handed it to the other guy, who handed it to me, and I proceeded to lay it down on the field and walk off. Can you imagine how absolutely brutal that looked? I thought I was showing everybody that I wasn't a 'good loser' which meant I wasn't a loser. Man, what a loser I was. Undoubtedly the biggest loser in that whole stadium that night.

I bet there was a small voice inside Nicolas Mahut yesterday that was trying to get him to skip out of all the post-match hoopla, get into the locker room and get the heck out of there. I am convinced he made the right choice, and I am glad he did.

Here's the point I'm trying to carry into any coaching that I do: it is absolutely important for our athletes to work hard and compete like crazy to win. It is also absolutely important for our athletes to understand that winning or losing a game does not define them as human beings. Putting in the effort to win or lose is what we can control. Complete despair over things we cannot control is a recipe for a painful existence. We can show these young athletes a more excellent way.

80's Lyric

Move yourself

You always live your life

Never thinking of the future

Prove yourself

You are the move you make

Take your chances win or loser

-Yes (1983)

Plateau (next post 6/25)

2010-06-11T09:34:00.006-05:00

High quality athletic training, whether for strength, speed, or endurance is hard work. Of course it is. We all recognize that. It just makes sense. And there comes a point in most workout cycles when we 'plateau'. We stop making gains for a while, and it takes continued hard work to just maintain the progress we have made.

I've experienced this in my own life. As a middle of the pack distance runner, I have seen only gradual improvement in my ability over the past couple years, despite logging hundreds of hours and a couple thousand miles on the road. As a follower of Jesus, I've experienced this lately as well. My appetite for His Word is inconsistent. I sometimes find myself 'too busy' to quietly spend time with God. I find myself feeling anxious about upcoming events...a sure sign that I'm not walking as closely with Him as I can.

In a recent Bible study meeting with a Coach, we came across the discussion question, "Why are so many Christian Coaches stuck and not growing spiritually?" It got me thinking back to training athletes. When an athlete plateaus, what do we do? The answers vary depending on the individual, but maybe we change up the workout routine. Or maybe we simply persevere and work to maintain a great attitude. Just as athletic training is hard work, spiritual training requires great effort as well. Effort that is fueled by God's grace, but effort nonetheless.

It's funny. Many years ago, I was under the impression that making a decision to trust Jesus was the desired end. We pray a special prayer, or raise our hand, or walk down the aisle, or get confirmed by our denomination, and that's it. Done deal. I realize now that this decision is important, but it's the beginning of the journey. Certainly not the end. Just this morning I read this:

The fear of the Lord is the BEGINNING of wisdom. (Psalm 111:10)

Entering into a relationship with God is the beginning of the process, not the end. I thought that was noteworthy. So where does that leave me in my current situation? Do I change up my spiritual workouts? Do I keep doing what I'm doing, and ask God to continue to develop my character and my faith? Right now I don't know, but I do know this. God is not in the business of hiding from us. He promises that He will listen to us when we call upon Him, and that we will seek Him and find Him when we seek Him with all our heart.

80's Lyric

And I've seen it before

It happens time and again

All cut up inside

Yet you're caught in a spin

Out on Sentimental Street in the Avenues

Take a good, hard look

There ain't nothing ever new

- Night Ranger (1985)

Idols (next post 6/11)

2010-05-27T16:38:00.006-05:00

I am not a huge fan of TV. Oh, I used to be. Over the past 30 years I have spent countless of hours watching Sesame Street, Leave it to Beaver, Family Ties, Saved by the Bell (seriously), Seinfeld and many, many more programs. Not really the case any more. I'm not sure if it's maturity or having 4 kids, or some combination of the two, but TV is not really a priority in my life. At least not like it has been in the past.

That said, I would not have missed the 2010 finale of American Idol that aired this week. Despite cutting back on TV over the past 7-8 years, I am a sucker for things that feel historic, even if only trivially. So naming the 2010 winner of the competition, coupled with saying goodbye to Simon Cowell was too good to pass up.

And as outstanding as it was to watch General Larry Platt and William Hung performing "Pants on the Ground" together, I was most struck watching winner Lee DeWyze named the "Idol" for this year. If you care enough to read this far you might know Lee's story. Last year he was working in a paint store near Chicago, and today he is one of the most recognizable people on the planet. Regardless of how his career progresses, it is probably safe to assume that his life has changed permanently. You can watch Lee's moment here.

This whole scene brought to mind a passage that applies to all of us who desire to leave a godly legacy. Exodus 20:4-5 is outlining one of the 10 Commandments as it reads,

You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form

of anything in heaven above or on the earth below or in the

waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I,

the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin

of the fathers to the third and fourth generations of those who hate me, but

showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and

keep my commandments.

Two things come to mind right away from those verses: first, God alone is worthy of worship. I don't think anyone at American Idol really intends for us to worship Lee DeWyze, but I know there are all kinds of distractions in my life that can take my eyes off of Christ. He alone is deserving of my undying affection.

The second point is about leaving a legacy. I am happy for Lee DeWyze. He's a talented dude who has a lot to celebrate. For the rest of his life, at least some people will remember what happened to him this week. It might even end up making a difference in the lives of his children and grandchildren, if he ever has any. That's not a bad deal at all. But we have an even better deal. Loving God and keeping his commandments results in God showing love to 1000 generations of our descendants. That's a pretty good deal.

Of course, keeping God's commandments is a result of a growing, healthy relationship with Him. It won't happen by our trying really hard. We've covered this point often. But I think the idea of that kind of legacy is a pretty sweet motivator when it comes to being intentional to spend time growing closer to Jesus.

80's Lyric

I'm never gonna dance again

Guilty feet have got no rhythm

Though it's easy to pretend

I know you're not a fool

- Wham! (1984)

Yes, Master! (next post 5/28)

2010-05-13T12:06:00.010-05:00

Obey. That's a tough word for me. Honestly, it makes me cringe a little when I hear it. I'm all grown up, why should I worry about obeying? Even when I hear parents telling their children to obey, it just hands heavy handed. So when I read 1 John 2:3-6 equating knowing Jesus with obeying his commands, and how the man who says "I know him" but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him....yeah, that makes me uncomfortable. In fact, book 2 of the Legacy Builders series for Coaches has a tremendously powerful lesson called "God is looking for an obedient Coach". Author Rod Olson writes, "please remember how you feel when one of your players is disobedient. God also takes disobedience very seriously."

I know that I often walk in obedience. I also know that I sometimes do not. Guess that makes me a liar. That's the bad news. But there's also good news that I have been missing lately. In that same passage that shows me I am a liar, it also says "if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him." There's a payoff to obedience that absolutely blows away any fleeting satisfaction that results from disobedience. That's a big deal. I want God's love to be truly made complete in me.

The final piece is the always needed reminder that obeying God in a way that is consistent and joyful doesn't happen when we try hard to obey. That kind of obedience is the natural result of a growing relationship with Jesus. Learning to obey God's Word by trying hard on our own is kind of like trying to become a great hitter by focusing on not striking out. It really misses the point when we look at the end goal of obedience as staying away from 'bad stuff'. It's true that when we obey, we do avoid 'bad stuff'. But that's a byproduct of the obedience, not the aim of the obedience.

Just as disobedience by an athlete demands action on the part of a Coach, our disobedience prompts perfect action on the part of our God.

80's Lyric

Sleep and dream is all I crave

I travel far across the Milky Way

To my master I become a slave

Til we meet again some other day

Where silence speaks as loud as war

And the earth returns to what it was before

- Van Hagar (1986)

Yet to Come (next post 5/14)

2010-04-30T10:54:00.004-05:00

The best is yet to come. No matter where you are or what you do, things are not yet as good as they one day will be. I was reminded of that earlier this week as I listened to a good friend of mine speak passionately about recently losing a great friend of his.

So if you're discouraged or dealing with people who are, be reminded that the best is yet to come. If you're on top of the world right now, it will be even better one day.

See you there.

80's Lyric

Take it, take it, take it from me

I got an itchy finger following me

Pull it, pull it, c'mon trigger the gun

'Cause the best is yet to come, I say

'Cause the best is yet to come

-Def Leppard (1987)

Singapore Flyer (next post 4/30)

2010-04-16T11:12:00.007-05:00

Our family watches "The Amazing Race" every week. It's the one show we all watch together. If you saw last week's episode, you're familiar with the Singapore Flyer, a gigantic ferris wheel looking structure. It provides a breathtaking view of a beautiful city from more than 50 stories up in the air.

These two brothers were faced with the challenge of riding a car to the top of the Flyer, getting out, and climbing along a ladder to the next car over. Of course they were very securely harnessed, so there was no real danger. And yet, these two guys were terrified. They completed the task, but the whole time they were consumed by fear. They had an opportunity to experience something that almost no one in the world gets to do, and to see
things that nobody gets to see, and all they could think about was putting one foot in front of the other. They couldn't get it over with quickly enough. What they either didn't realize or didn't care enough to process was that their fear was 100% unnecessary. It was illogical. They were in no danger at all. There was no good reason to not enjoy the experience.

I've realized that's how I live sometimes. I have a life that is awesome. Nobody in the world gets to do the things I do and see all the things I see. Sometimes challenges come. Actually, lately it seems that more often that not, serious challenges come. But so what? Because of Jesus Christ, I am completely secure. I am free to live fearlessly every day, no matter what. There is absolutely nothing to be afraid of, and any fear I might have is 100% unnecessary and illogical. He has promised that He is with me always (Matthew 28:20), and that He will never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). I am harnessed in, and I can do my best to enjoy every day He's given me.

80's Lyric

Light a candle, light a motive

Step down, step down

Watch your heel, crush crushed

Uh-oh this means

No fear Cavalier

Renegade steer clear

A tournament, a tournament, a tournament of lies

- R.E.M. (1987)

What Matters and Why? (next post 4/16)

2010-04-02T14:34:00.004-05:00

Do you have a list of sports or championships that "matter"? I've realized that I do. NFL, MLB, NBA and college football all "matter". The Major Championships in golf "matter". Some of the Olympic events "matter". State titles in some high school sports "matter" if they happen in the state where you live. State titles in Kansas and Missouri all matter now, but they didn't matter 2 years ago. Oh yeah, the Final Four matters too.

Of course, the flip side of this warped view of sports/life is that most of what we do doesn't really matter. I didn't realize that I believed that, but I did. Today is Good Friday, and I've been not so subtlely reminded that Jesus died an unspeakably gruesome, awful death for everyone who would ever live on this planet, regardless of how they feel about Him. What's more, because He is alive, because He rose from the dead, every minute of every day of my life is incredibly significant. Whether I'm coaching on TV or coaching flag football with 9 year olds, it all matters. And one doesn't matter more than the other. Because Jesus is alive, everyone we speak with, every thought we have, everything we see, absolutely everything we do, has importance. Because of Jesus, it all matters. Believe it.

80's Lyric

Oh, it doesn't matter what they say in the papers

'Cause it's always been the same old scene.

There's a new band in town

But you can't get the sound from a story in a magazine...

Aimed at your average teen

- Billy Joel (1980)

Why Pray? (next post 4/2)

2010-03-19T09:36:00.005-05:00

If God knows everything actual and possible in the universe why do we need to pray? This type of question has come at me more than once in the past week or two. It's a good question, one we can answer, but probably never completely understand all that it involves.

We're supposed to pray in secret according to Jesus. He said, "when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father" (Matthew 6:6). So what about praying in public, or in groups, is that to be avoided? A good litmus test for this type of prayer probably would be found in the verse right before the one we just read. Matthew 6:5 says, "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men." When I pray in front of others, am I earnestly speaking to my Heavenly Father or am I concerned with how I sound to the people around me?

Prayer is about communication to be sure, and it's an act of faith. Prayer requires faith, and it's been said that the Lord responds to our faith, not our need. Many of the healings Jesus performed are attributed to that person's faith in Him. (Mark 5:34, Mark 10:52, Matthew 8:10 and Matthew 15:28 for example). Last Sunday I had a chance to pose this question to a group of 6-9 year old children, "why do we need to pray if God knows everything?" I was really curious to see where they would land, and they basically decided that praying is a way of talking to God and showing that we trust Him. Well said.

As Coaches, we have a tremendous opportunity to influence and impact lives. No one can argue with that. Do we realize the importance of praying for those whom we influence? In the Legacy Builders Discipleship Series, Rod Olson compares praying for our athletes to nurturing seeds that are planted. (In Book 3 of the series, Rod also poses the question, "Do you believe you can change God's mind?" More on that later.)

I can plant a seed, but that's not enough to produce a plant. In order for healthy plants to grow, the seeds must be cared for after they are planted. In this analogy, praying = nuturing the seeds. Finally, God turns the seeds into plants. None of us can perfectly explain how that happens. It's a miracle. We plant seeds, nuture them, and trust God for the outcome.

So what about it, do you believe you can change God's mind? I don't know how it works, but I do believe it. I can read "ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you" (Matthew 7:7). I can read the account in Exodus 32 of Moses intervening on behalf of the Israelites who engaged in golden calf worship, or 2 Kings 20 where King Hezekiah pleads for his life and is rewarded with 15 more years of living. I can also read in Ezekiel 22:30-31 how the Lord poured out His anger when no one was found who would stand in the gap and pray for His people.

Faith building, trust showing, worshiping, and interceding for others, all the while growing closer to our Father? That's a pretty good deal.

80's Lyric

There's a gun and ammunition

Just inside the doorway

Use it only in emergency

Better you should pray to God

The Father and the Spirit

Will guide you and protect you from up here

-Mike and the Mechanics (1985)

One of the Best (next post 3/19)

2010-03-05T12:28:00.008-06:00

August, 2001. I was coaching JV offensive backs at a high school in Florida. Usually we had 10th graders on the JV team, but that year we had a hole and needed to bring up a 9th grade running back. So one day I went to check out the freshman team scrimmage, and probably two reps into watching that scrimmage we had our man. His name was Jamelle Eugene. Jamelle was great that year; we had a really good season with him carrying the ball.

The next year Jamelle was on the varsity, and was gaining recognition as one of the best sophomores in the state. And then his season ended when he suffered a knee injury. I was up in the box during the game, so I didn't get to see him until after the game. At that point, I had no idea the severity of the injury, and so I asked him if he was going to be OK. All he said, was "No, Coach." Over the next few months he rehabbed, determined to be ready for his junior year. This blows me away, but at one point during the rehab process Jamelle apologized to his family for (very briefly) feeling sorry for himself in the wake of the injury. He wanted people to understand that he knew God has a plan for his life, and this injury was part of it. That got my attention, and I began to develop a whole new level of admiration for this young man. I knew that I did not have the maturity that this kid already had.

Not only was he ready for his junior year, he was 1st team all-state and our team played in the state title game. You can see a short Jamelle highlight film from the championship game here. During his senior year, we began having a discipleship study for players on Saturday mornings after they had watched film. These kids had played the night before, and had the rest of their weekend in front of them, but Jamelle was there each week. After a very strong 12th grade year, he needed to choose where to play college ball.

The recruiting process was a challenging one, as schools made their offers and a stream of Coaches came through. I remember two things in particular about that time as I watched Jamelle handle everything: first, he talked about praying through it and trusting the Lord to put him wherever He wanted him. Secondly, at one point when he got jerked around in a big way by an SEC school, he refused to complain or whine about it. For an 18-year old, heck for anybody, that was incredibly impressive.

He landed at NC State, where he quickly established himself as one of the hardest workers in their program. The strength coach at NCSU was my strength coach when I played in college, and so I called and asked Coach Rice about Jamelle. No surprise, he got rave reviews for his effort and leadership.

Now, he's finished playing in college and is working to prepare for a career in pro football. I saw a list recently that had Jamelle ranked as the number 33 running back in this year's draft class. I don't know much about most of the young men from 1 to 32, but Jamelle Eugene is a man I would want on my team. He trains, practices and plays with unmatched intensity. He makes everbody around him better. Personally, I am a better man and more devoted Christian as a result of having worked with him. Please pray for Jamelle as the Lord leads him into the next phase of his life.

80's Lyric

Sometimes I feel I've got to

Run away I've got to

Get away

From the pain that you drive into the heart of me

- Soft Cell (1981)

Lone Rangers Have it Rough (next post 3/5)

2010-02-19T13:46:00.010-06:00

This morning I went for a run. It was early. It was raining lightly. Not ridiculously cold, but a little chilly. Not the kind of situation that usually inspires someone to get outside and exercise. But my friend was expecting me to be out there with him and I wasn't about to let him down.

About a month ago, Erica let me know that she and I were going to be spending the day scraping the popcorn finish off the ceiling in our living room. If you've ever done one of these deals you know what I'm talking about. Caked in dust, all the scraping, then sanding for hours, then finally painting. I don't especially enjoy any of that. Working together, it wasn't too bad.

Stuck in traffic. Waiting in a long line. Washing the car. Folding laundry. Some of these things are worse than others, but all of these things are way more tolerable when we do them with someone else. Maybe you've coached a team in a sport like basketball, golf, or tennis, and you were the only Coach out there. Contrast that with experiences you've had coaching teams with other people. Occasionally Coaches on the same staff can butt heads with each other, or even throw keys at each other, but for the most part, we are way more effective together than we are by ourselves. We enjoy our work more, we communicate better and our athletes play better as a result.

We see in the Bible the wisdom of teamwork and partnership. When Jesus sent out seventy (or 72) to share His good news in Luke chapter 10 he sent them out in pairs. He knew the potential for discouragement that comes from loneliness. In the past 2000 years, not much has changed. Discouragement and hopelessness that result from isolation run rampant in our world.

The great irony is that we've never been more connected to others. Erica and I just recently made the leap to 'unlimited texts' so that we wouldn't have to worry about going over our allotment each month. We can call, email or text anyone, practically any time. And yet many of us have never been more alone. Single, married, it makes no difference. The more people I talk to, the more I'm convinced that a very small percentage of us have anyone that we share everything with; both the good and bad stuff. To quote the book of James out of context, "my brothers, this should not be". Take the risk. Find someone you can trust, and dare to be known. If you already have that person, thank God for him or her, and pray for those who aren't there yet. Pray for me as I slowly head down this path myself.

And remember, even the Lone Ranger recruited a partner.

80's Lyric

We mention the time we were together

So long ago, well I don't remember

All I know is that it makes me feel good now

It's like I told you

Only the lonely can play

- The Motels (1982)

Realignment: This One's a Little More Personal Than Most (next post 2/19)

2010-02-05T07:43:00.009-06:00

God's been chasing me. I've been walking with him for many years, and as so often happens, He's bringing me to a new place in my relationship with Him. For at least a few weeks and maybe a while longer, I've been running on fumes. Been feeling like there's no way I can do a great job with everything I'm doing, between family, church, work and play there just aren't enough hours in the day. I'm certainly not the only one who's ever felt that way, I know that. So then I would beat myself up about my lack of energy, focus and passion. It wasn't like I had become completely useless or incompetent; there was just this gnawing sense that something was out of balance. But I didn't really know how to realign myself.

A couple weeks back I listened as two members of FCA's national executive team spoke on two of the ministry's core values, first integrity, then excellence. Long story short, the Lord showed me a couple things about me that needed to be brought into balance. I realized that while my priorities looked better than they did years ago, I still had a ways to go. I also realized that my lack of peace was a gift from Him; a way of waking me up to the fact that I was not loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.

For example, I've heard of these people who get up at 4 AM to spend time in God's Word. I always figured that they were either from another planet or sleep-deprived monsters. I would do my best to spend time with the Lord every day, but sometimes ended up squeezing in 15 minutes here and there, or occasionally skipping it altogether. The challenge I was issued was instead of trying to figure out how I could carve out time for God (which certainly isn't a bad thing), to try praying and asking Him when He wants to meet with me. To my dismay, the answer I got was "very early in the morning while it's still dark".

"No way can I do that," I thought. I'm not like those guys. I'm not a slug, but I enjoy my sleep. Then it was as if I heard God whisper, "I will give you the energy you need to do what I want you to do." That 'conversation' helped me realize that I make time for at least a few things that are not important. For the record, playing with my children, resting and things like that are important. The unimportant things I'm talking about are things like watching a ballgame and strictly adhering to my running training schedule. I'm not saying those are bad things. They are not. I'm sure I will continue to watch plenty of ballgames. I will continue to train for the Olathe Marathon on 4/10. I would simply like to stop making those things more of a priority than other things that are clearly more important. For the past two weeks, I've done just that. It's not like I never get tired anymore. Jesus got tired now and then. But the peace I have in my life right now is something I've never had before, at least not quite like this.

Little by little, the Lord revealed to me other areas of my life that had become way too important to me. One more example: somehow I've gotten it in my head that my ideal running weight is about 10 pounds less than I weigh now. Without doing it on purpose, I had become way too interested in jumping on the scale every day. My attitude and mood sometimes were affected by whether or not I weighed a pound or two more than I thought I would that day. How sick is that? Kind of sounds like Coaches who base their attitude and mood on what the scoreboard says. That scale had become my scoreboard. I'll stop now before I embarrass myself any futher with that one.

Anyway, I felt led to put down some thoughts and have given it the title of my "Life Plan"; a mission statement of sorts and a way of staying on track. I've also felt led to share it with those who are reading this post, at the risk of pulling back the curtain just a little too much. Maybe there's someone who will relate to this. Maybe what God's teaching me can help somebody else. That's my prayer. Or maybe you will just think I'm crazy. I can live with that, I guess. So here it is:

-When I'm home with my family, I'm home with my family. With only occasional exceptions, emails and phone calls are for when I'm at work.

-The 'me time' I need will mostly be satisfied by the time I spend with God early in the morning, six days a week. (I allow myself to take a Sabbath rest and sleep a little more on Sunday morning.)

-Running is great exercise, and it's a privilege, not an entitlement. I need not be overly rigid about keeping to the training schedule.

-I will eat well.

-I don't care what I weigh. Eating well and exercising will result in proper weight and good health.

-My wife and I will spend quality time with each of our sons, striving to reach their hearts and minds with the love of Jesus, and communicating that they are worth our time individually.

-My wife and I will go on dates together. I will proactively work with other husbands who also have a hard time in this area about taking turns watching each other's kids.

-I will remember that God will give me the time and energy to do everything He wants me to do.

Like I said, I know that's pretty personal. If you've made it this far, apparently you didn't mind.

80's Lyric

You got a fast car

And I got a plan to get us out of here

I been working at the convenience store

Managed to save just a little bit of money

-Tracy Chapman (1988)

Fill 'er up! (next post 2/5)

2010-01-22T09:05:00.014-06:00

I think I can get through this idea pretty briefly. Let's give it a try.

Last week I met a guy who gave me a pretty cool illustration. What if you had an empty cup and were told that you need to get the air out of it? We could probably come up with some kind of science experiment or something involving vacuums. Honestly, that was my first thought when I heard this. Perhaps it's yours too. But this problem is easily solved. To get the air out of the empty cup we can just fill it with liquid.

This idea certainly applies to coaching athletes. Coaches have to help athletes fix mistakes. That's a big part of your job. And the way in which that is carried out goes a long way toward determining how effective that correction will be. If Johnny should step with his left foot and he steps with his right, I can coach him to "step with the right foot". I can repeat it as needed. I can even get animated about it if we get to that point. But coaching him to "stop stepping with the left foot" is less effective. It's kind of like the old "try not to think about an elephant" deal. It just works better if a player hears "keep your feet moving" instead of "don't stop your feet", or "get your elbow in" instead of "stop letting your elbow fly out".

Coach Fisher DeBerry says this: "A good Coach tells a player what he can do, not what he can't". Just this week, I am seeing that quote in a new way. It says "what he can do", meaning what he is capable of. It doesn't say, "what he's already doing right". We can do that too; pointing out the things others do well is important. But so is fixing mistakes. So when we fix mistakes, we can work to give our athletes a picture of what they should be doing, rather than what they are doing incorrectly. Remember, they will usually become what they think we think they can become.

Fill their cups with water and the air will always leave.

This principle works in our lives too. Spiritually, if there are areas of my life that need development, it will be very difficult (or impossible) to see real growth by trying to get rid of the 'bad stuff'. If I'm trying to stop being a liar, I don't need to focus on not lying. I can focus on being truthful. Only thing is, usually my own desire and effort to change are not going to get the job done, so to become a different person I've got to fill my empty cup with the Living Water of Jesus, training under Him to become like Him.

80's Lyric

There is freedom within, there is freedom without

Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup

There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost

But you'll never see the end of the road

While you're traveling with me

-Crowded House (1986)

What is Tough? (next post 1/22)

2010-01-08T13:16:00.007-06:00

This morning the headline on the front page of the KC Star (the real front page, not the sports section) reads "A Tough Time for Tough Coaches", and there is an article about two high profile Head Football Coaches who have recently either been fired or resigned under pressure due to allegations of mistreatment of players. A third Coach who was mentioned in the article was fired earlier this morning. It's a well-written piece by Bill Reiter (aptly named), and Mr. Reiter presents both sides of this story. He quotes former Coaches, sports psychologists, authors and athletes, all with varying takes on this idea of how much is too much when it comes to treatment of athletes.

I heard a caller on a radio show yesterday say that if you substitute the word "man" for "player" in the descriptions of what's gone on in some of these programs, it makes it sound different. Would anyone be applauded or called tough for screaming and cursing at another man? I doubt it. No doubt that sports, maybe football in particular, are different, but I don't buy this idea that treating people with dignity and respect is somehow weak or untough.

Most of us have been on the practice field or court many times. As athletes first, then as Coaches. We've probably seen things, or maybe said or done things ourselves that compare to some of the acts that have made big news recently. I know I have. But I also know this; the way we treat people reveals what kind of people we are. Said another way, "Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks" (Luke 6:45). If I say something regrettable with the excuse that it "slipped out", that's bogus. Things don't slip out. Our words and actions show who we really are when we don't have time to dress them up.

Last thought...I've never heard of a Coach getting into trouble for loving his/her athletes, for caring about them too much, or for treating them the way he/she wanted to be treated.

80's Lyric

There are plenty of ways you can hurt a man

And bring him to the ground

You can beat him

You can cheat him

You can treat him bad and leave him

When he's down

- Queen (1980)

At the Well (next post 1/8)

2009-12-18T14:04:00.006-06:00

Yesterday I was reading in John chapter 4 and I read the story of the woman at the well. I have read this story many times before and heard at least one or two really good sermons about it. I've had it drilled into me how scandalous it would have been for Jesus to talk to a woman, or talk to a Samaritan, and how that would have doubly shocked people to see him talking to a Samaritan woman. Maybe you're familiar with their conversation, but you can take another look at it here. Go ahead, read it.

OK, glad you're back. This story is incredible. A woman encounters Jesus, sees Him for who He is, and immediately goes to tell others her story. Those who hear come "out of the town and make their way toward Him". Then they believe in Him, and see Jesus as the Savior of the World for themselves, developing their own story to tell.

It's sounds so simple. I wonder if it works for everybody. Can we expect that if we tell a story about what Jesus has done for us, that many who hear it will believe and come take a closer look at Him? I don't know. Maybe it's worth a try.

The woman at the well was amazed that Jesus could tell her things about her life. That is a pretty cool trick, no doubt. I can tell you that Jesus has been transforming me from selfish to selfless. He has turned my constant worry into trust. He has guided our family halfway across the country in the last 17 months, sold our home in SW Florida (which is at least as difficult as telling me everything I ever did), while providing for our every need and much more along the way. He has been making me into a husband and a Dad who is characterized by patience and self-control, where before I was prone to impatience and angry outbursts. He has inspired me to train with Him to get better each and every day, and is showing me the joy, peace, and comfort that come from being fully His.

That woman said, "come, see a man who told me everything I ever did."

I say, "come trust and worship the Son of God who is making me everything He created me to be."

Merry Christmas to you all.

80's Lyric

Wish me love a wishing well to kiss and tell

A wishing well of butterfly tear

Wish me love a wishing well to kiss and tell

A wishing well of crocodile cheers

- Terence Trent D'Arby (1987)

I Want (next post 12/18)

2009-12-04T14:10:00.006-06:00

This morning I met with a friend and we got to talking about planning. I want to be organized and intentional with what I do. More than that, I want to do everything I do at a very high level. To borrow from my last post, I want to be great at what I do.

At the same time, I want to do what God wants me to do. I desperately want to please Him. Or at least I want to want to please Him, if that makes any sense. I want to love what Jesus loves. I want to see people, things and situations the way He sees them. I want to enjoy the rest (Matthew 11:28) and peace (Philippians 4:7) that is found only in Him. I want to seek His Kingdom and righteousness (Matthew 6:33), trusting completely that my needs and my family's needs will be met. I want to embrace and live out the reality that there is nothing that compares to Him, while at the same time understanding that He has created this world to be enjoyed. I want for Christ-like behavior to flow out of me naturally, to be my default.

Lately God has been showing me that possessing this type of attitude, lifestyle and behavior are nearly always the result of training for them. When I was little, I took swimming lessons. I vaguely remember learning to blow bubbles in the water when I was about 3-4 years old. Then we would kick while holding the side wall. Then we used kickboards. Finally, after a few years of practicing and developing the necessary coordination, I was able to swim. It was a process. It certainly didn't happen all at once. Now when I get in the water, I don't think about any of that stuff. I just swim.

Similarly, I am convinced that developing a Christ-like character is a process. And it's a process that demands my attention. It certainly doesn't happen all at once. The ideas of being 'transformed by the renewing of my mind' (Romans 12:2), and 'working out my salvation with fear and trembling' (Philippians 2:12) both speak to that process. With respect to my journey with Jesus, I very much feel like I've been hearing about these 'swimming lessons' for years. I've heard great things about this idea of 'swimming'. Now it's as if He's finally brought me to a place where I've shown up at the pool and have crept into the water. I'm probably blowing little spiritual bubbles right now as I type this.

I want to learn to swim. I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His suffering (Philippians 3:10). I want to be wholly His in every way.

80's Lyric

I want to walk in the open wind

I want to talk like lovers do

I want to dive into your ocean

Is it raining with you

- Eurythmics (1984)

Just Win, Baby? (next post 12/4)

2009-11-13T13:00:00.006-06:00

Don't these rings look incredible? Maybe you have one. Maybe you've got a few. Maybe you
don't, but you wish you did. I've been fortunate enough to be around two state title winning teams, once as an assistant coach in 2001, and in 2007 in an admin/support role. Anyhow, I've got two rings. It would have been awesome to have a chance to have been a champion as an athlete, but those days are long gone. Way gone.

A few weeks back, a Coach sent me a link to this video. The clip is an 18 minute speech from Coach John Wooden, 99 years old, arguably the greatest winner in the history of coaching. He's saying crazy things like, "you can outscore an opponent and lose", "you can be outscored and win", and things like that. If you watch the video you'll see what I mean. He also spoke of the definition of success that he formulated early in his career. It reads like this:

Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming.

What Coach Wooden is talking about is something that I have been chasing for a long time. Peace of mind. Self-satisfaction. Who wouldn't want those things? And if we have those things as a result of the way we go about our lives, I have a feeling that there's really very little that we would ever lack. When I was a brand new Coach, I had a mentor who impressed upon our staff that we would not judge ourselves by the scoreboard. That football was a tool for developing godly men. I bought into that...for the most part. Because in December of 2001, when the clock hit zero and the scoreboard said 21-17 and we were the 5A state champions, I was definitely judging myself and our team by that scoreboard. Why not, right? We had achieved the ultimate. We were the state champions. You can't do better than that.

Or can you? There was a quote in the paper the next day from our Head Coach. Bill was quoted as saying something about how he would need to go back and look at the film to try and see why we had been shut out in the second half. (We'd been up 21-3 at half time and held on to win.) Most of us gave him a lot of grief for that. To me, he was being an over-obsessive perfectionist who was struggling to enjoy this ultimate accomplishment.

Eight years later, I finally get it. Bill's goal for himself and for our team was to get better every day. To give our best effort and become the best we could be. He was thrilled to win a championship along the way, but strange as it sounds, that was not the ultimate. It's a pretty good measuring stick to be sure. It's a whole lot of fun. But it is not the ultimate. The ultimate success is found in doing our best to become the best we are capable of becoming.

Some will read this and say that kind of talk is soft. Whatever. I would love to hear how we can be more likely to win games and titles than by becoming the best we're capable of becoming. There's no way.

80's Lyric

And woman I will try to express

My inner feelings and thankfulness

For showing me the meaning of success

- John Lennon (1980 album, 1981 single)

Rules (next post 11/13)

2009-10-29T11:49:00.008-05:00

A Two-part post today:

Part One: What if there were no rules for our favorite sports? What if there were no officials? What if the games we played were completely unregulated? I was reading to my five year old son a week or so ago. We read a story that had some follow up questions and suggested activities. One of the activities was to play a favorite family game and allow everyone to make up their own rules. This kid is in Kindergarten, but he got it. He looked at me and said, "Dad, that would be terrible. You can't play a game when everyone makes up the rules however they want."

We can't live life that way either. We'll hear people talk about the Bible or the 10 Commandments sometimes. Well meaning, intelligent people might say things like, "No one can dictate what's right or wrong for others. We have to be allowed to decide it for ourselves." It sounds nice. It sounds liberating even. But you don't have to think about it too long to realize it doesn't work. It can't work. I don't wish this on anyone, but I wonder if those who champion the right for us all to decide right/wrong for ourselves would appreciate someone breaking into their homes and stealing things. And there are 1000 other examples we could think of. Is that not wrong? Universally, across the board, there are things that are just wrong.

I thank God for the 10 Commandments. Unlike the rich ruler we read about in Luke chapter 18, I don't claim to keep them perfectly. I wish I did. I want to. But despite that, I thank God that in His infinite wisdom, He saw fit to lay out for us clear boundaries and guidelines that lead to the good life that's available to us (to borrow an idea and phrase from the teachers at Christ Community Church). There is certainly much that God doesn't spell out for us about how to exactly and precisely live our lives and make decisions. But the guidelines or 'rules' that are given to us are a great gift. If you don't agree, let me know, and I'll come rob your house. Not really.

Let's move on.

Part Two:

So knowing the rules of the game and following them perfectly makes us great players, right? Wrong. Same author that I quoted two weeks ago, Paul Marshall, gets quoted again here. Marshall writes, "Michael Jordan is not a great basketball player because he (usually) keeps the rules. He is a great player because he has learned what the possibilities are within the rules, and he has the skills to act out those possibilities." Think about that for a second. How absurd is it to believe that the best basketball player is the one who never commits a violation? Or that the best writers are those who best understand sentence structure and grammar? Or that the best musicians are measured by their ability to play scales? Or that the best Coaches are the ones who have memorized the rule book?

Certainly there are fundamentals that are essential to any discipline. Great writers know about grammar. Great musicians can play every scale forwards and backwards. Great Coaches know all but the most obscure rules of their sports. But these qualities do not make them great. Greatness comes not from adherence to rules, but from development of the abilities and gifts we have been given. Each of us is created to be great. God made us all to be great in some way.

So the two ideas here go hand in hand. There are rules to follow and obey as we work toward greatness. And rather than being designed to hold us back, the boundaries for human living established by God are given to us to provide a framework for the pursuit of that greatness as we learn to 'play the game'. Without rules, greatness is unattainable, making it impossible for us or anyone we lead to achieve any level of excellence.

80's Lyric

Moving eight miles a minute for months at a time

Breaking all of the rules that we bent

Began to find myself searching

Searching for shelter again and again

- Bob Seger (1980)

Rest (next post 10/30)

2009-10-16T13:43:00.021-05:00

The baseball playoffs are in full swing, tonight the Angels play the Yankees in Game 1 of the ALCS. I remember when I was little, the playoffs were a HUGE deal. My buddies and I would spend the whole day talking about it and looking forward to watching the games. It didn't matter at all what teams were playing. Seems like times have changed, but that's probably a discussion for another day.

Although speaking of the Yankees reminds me of the young pitcher, Joba Chamberlain. Maybe you remember when Joba came up to the big leagues and Yankee management implemented the "Joba Rules". He could only throw a certain number of pitches, or so many days in a row, etc. Obviously all teams have general guidelines for using and resting their pitchers, but this was different. These were absolute rules, not to be defied under any circumstances. We can agree or disagree with the way the Yankees carried this out, but the principle is clear. The Yankee decision makers realized that overuse was unhealthy for their prize prospect. The understood the big picture; that long-term health was never to be sacrificed in the name of short-term production. They saw the value and healing power in rest.

The NFL Players Association understands the value of rest, as its members are required to be granted one full day off each week. The NCAA requires that student-athletes' hours of organized team activity be tracked and limited to a certain number of hours every week.

Notice that while college and pro athletes are all ordered to rest regularly, no such requirement exists for their Coaches. At least not as mandated by the NCAA or any Coaches Association that I know of.

Although, there is this:

"Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work..." (Exodus 20:9-10a)

Turns out that rest for Coaches is, in fact, mandated. And it's mandated by the Creator of the Universe.

One of the greatest things about being a Coach is also one of the hardest, and it's this. There is literally always something that can be done to make our players/teams better. The job doesn't stop. Ever. Rod Olson's Legacy Buidlers Sports Discipleship Series refers to these unending tasks as "unturned stones". Maybe it's watching the film for the 73rd time. Maybe it's those last couple emails, texts or phone calls. Maybe it's struggling at practice to guide our players through every possible scenario they might encounter in the game. There are certainly plenty of examples, and if you have coached for any length of time you probably know what your most common unturned stones are.

Just for the record, preparation, planning, hard work...these are very good things. However they are not worthy of being ultimate things in our lives. We are kidding ourselves if we think we can ever feel 100% completely prepared for everything. That we can leave 'no stone unturned'. It's just not possible, and the more we chase it, usually the more frustrated we become.

We know that we are to work hard. Very few Coaches I've ever met struggle with that. If they do, they don't usually coach very long. We also know that we are to rest. Many Coaches struggle in this area. How much are we to rest? When is enough, enough? The Biblical principle of one day a week is a great place to start, but be careful of being dogmatic about it. Jesus wasn't a fan of those who took tremendous pride in their ability to hold to the letter of God's Law. (See Luke 13:14-16)

Paul Marshall provides insight here as he writes:

"It might be responsible to work on a job sixteen hours a day in order to meet a deadline, or to work at a job for only a few hours in order to free up time for reflection."

Bottom line for me: I must make sure that I don't worship my work. I must make sure my family and I have time to rest. Mostly, I must make sure that I seek God's hand as I plan my days and weeks, trusting Him to guide me into the rhythm that will be most satisfying to Him and most useful to the people in my life.

80's Lyric

Everybody needs a place to rest

Everybody wants to have a home

Don't make no difference what nobody says

Ain't nobody like to be alone

-Bruce Springsteen

Invite Him In (next post 10/16)

2009-10-02T12:05:00.006-05:00

(Painting courtesy of Stephen Warde Anderson)

Earlier this week I heard something I'd never heard before and it made a whole bunch of sense. The idea came from a group discussion on Eve's conversation with the serpent in Genesis chapter 3. It was pointed out that while Eve was talking to the serpent about God, she would have been well-served to invite her nearby God into the conversation. One wonders how things would have developed if she would have said, "I don't know serpent, that doesn't sound right. God comes and sees us often, why don't we ask Him?"

Point being, it's all too easy to have conversations about God while failing/forgetting to invite Him to join them.

I understand there are some who look at the account of the fall of man in Genesis as a figurative illustration of who God is and who we are in light of that. I don't agree, but regardless, the point still holds. If we are convinced that God cares about us at all, then it makes all the sense in the world to invite Him into any and all conversations about Him. To do otherwise is to minimize His desire and ability to speak into our lives.

The implications of this seem simple enough to understand. When in a meeting, whether with a group or an individual, opening the conversation in prayer is the way to go. I confess, I have sometimes felt like an opening prayer was mainly for show, or that it's what we're "supposed to do", so we do it. Also, it's not like I can't see the wisdom in asking God to bless and/or guide our talks with each other. But hearing what I heard this week has helped me to see the folly in failing to invite Him in. How can I pretend to have an effective conversation about God without at least asking Him to join it? Taking that step requires that I believe that He wants to be included, that He's not too busy.

Psalm 139 speaks to that:

You know when I sit and when I rise (verse 2)

You have laid your hand upon me (v. 5)

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. (v. 9-10)

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb (v. 13)

There's more in there, but I think you get the point. These are not the words or thoughts of someone who is too busy to be bothered. He wants us to call upon Him. Any time. All the time. Personally, I will be making it standard practice to invite Him into any and all conversations that I have.

80's Lyric

In your eyes

I am complete

In your eyes

I see the doorway to a thousand churches

In your eyes

the resolution of all the fruitless searches

Peter Gabriel

Good Deeds (next post 10/2)

2009-09-18T13:43:00.006-05:00

Pretty much all of us have "To Do Lists". On mine I tend to write absolutely everything I can think of, from cutting the grass to cutting my finger nails. I wish I was joking. The problem with that approach is that it has the potential to turn anything I do into just another task to be accomplished. Something else to cross off the list.

In recent days, God's given me a wake up call. He's challenged me to embrace the tasks that I do. I was led to chapter 2 of Paul's letter to the Ephesians (the saved by grace through faith chapter), and in verse 10 it reads

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

When I first think of these good works that God prepared in advance for me to do, my mind pictures a never-ending supply of old ladies to help across the street. Or maybe a bunch of kittens to pull out of trees. Nothing wrong with helping old ladies and kittens, but I realized I do not often view my day-to-day life as being filled with good works that were prepared in advance for me to do. Stopping what I'm doing to have a conversation with my wife. Putting my children to bed with Bible stories and prayer. Calling a friend to encourage them. Sending a note to someone who doesn't expect it. We can agree these are good things to do, but are they more than that? What about vacuuming, changing a diaper, fixing a meal, taking care of a child for someone? How about making a practice schedule or driving a bus? Who says any of these can't be the exact good works which were prepared by the Creator of the universe for us to do? I don't know about you, but for me, that shift in point of view makes a big difference. It makes all the difference.

What if the phone rang, I answered and God was on the line? What if he said to me, "Ryan, I want you to know that I love those blog posts you write. The way you mix your personal experiences with the truth of my Word. Those things really point people toward me. You're doing a great job. Once in a while they're a little self-indulgent, but on the whole, you do fantastic work. And the song lyrics and videos from the '80s? Man, that's a hoot." To say the least, that conversation would definitely inspire me. Instead of thinking, "Ugh, it's blog post Friday. How am I going to find time to write?", I'd be counting the minutes until I could write some more.

Bottom line: places to go, people to see, things to do...we're busy people. Can we make every effort to see every one of these people, places and things as potential divine appointments, designed by God, to do the good that He prepared in advance for us to do? I pray we can.

80's Lyric

It's my own design

It's my own remorse

Help me to decide

Help me make the most

Of freedom and of pleasure

Nothing ever lasts forever

Everybody wants to rule the world

-Tears for Fears

Dealing With Errors: Admit it, fix it, don't repeat it (next post on 9/18)

2009-09-08T12:38:00.009-05:00

This post is a few days late. Labor Day weekend, blah blah blah, excuses. I don't like excuses either, so let's move on.

But actually, since today's post deals with making mistakes, the idea of taking ownership of our actions and not making excuses is fairly appropriate. Have you ever coached an athlete who made a mistake? Dumb question. How do we handle the mistakes our athletes make? What's the most productive way to deal with lapses in judgment and physical errors? From the Legacy Builders Sports Discipleship Series that we use with Coaches, I've learned this phrase when it comes to mistakes of most kinds...
Admit it.
Fix it.
Don't repeat it.

We certainly want our players to avoid blaming others. We want them to correct the behavior. And we want them to learn from the error, making every effort to not do it again. As a Coach, we can demand perfection, but we certainly realize that 100% perfection is not an attainable goal. Our athletes can control their attitudes and effort. They can buy into our program, and give all they have. Coaches need not be satisfied with less than perfection, but they ought to be pleased with great attitudes, effort and buy-in, knowing that mistakes are part of the deal.

But what about us? When we make a mistake in our lives, when we sin, it's all too easy to forget what we know about mistakes. It's way too easy to roll around in guilt and shame; to condemn ourselves. The process of admit it, fix it, don't repeat it seems like it doesn't apply to our spiritual lives. We like to beat ourselves up, to listen to lies about how God could never be pleased with us. I have no problem admitting my mistakes (usually), but the fixing and not repeating can be tricky.

Recently, I heard a man speak about how he handles this process. He explained that when he stumbles, he shares the Gospel of Christ with himself. I could try to paraphrase his message, but I don't want to risk losing the effect, so here's a direct quote:

"Believe it or not, there are times when I blow it. And when I sin, it is very easy for my soul to wallow in guilt. And so in those moments, I have to say to myself, 'Nathan, Jesus died for this. For this very thing that you did wrong. Or for this precise attitude that you've been struggling with. And therefore you are forgiven. You're accepted. You're loved. And when God looks at you He sees the righteousness of Jesus. You are not a failure. And what's more, because of His grace, you don't have to live like that. God is in the process of making you whole.' And because I believe in the resurrection, I believe that one day I will finally be completely and utterly whole. And all the junk will be gone. I say to myself, 'Nathan, you know this. You've experienced this. You've been given a taste of this. Find rest. Find joy.'"

The first time I heard those words, I felt like my eyes were opened. I was inspired. Sharing the Gospel with myself...I've never heard it put quite that way before. And while I know better than to think that making this practice a part of my life will be a magic bullet, I have no doubt that God has shown me a little bit more of who He is and how He sees me. He is taking me to a place I cannot reach on my own. He is coaching me. I pray He is coaching you.

80's Lyric

Hold me now

It's hard for me to say I'm sorry

I just want you to stay

After all that we've been through

I will make it up to you

I promise to

-Chicago

Speaking Greatness (next post 9/4)

2009-08-21T11:16:00.006-05:00

It's that time of year again...maybe the best time of year. School year begins, fall sports begin, NFL and college football are getting going, Usain Bolt is running 9.58 in the 100 and 19.19 in the 200 (seriously, that dude is on my list of two candidates for most athletic person ever born. You can watch video of each of the two races here). What does that have to do with speaking greatness? I'm glad you asked. Actually, not much, I'm just fired up about all those things.

OK, so what is the deal with speaking greatness? I heard or read recently, although I don't remember where (which is too bad because I love to give credit where it's due), that those we lead don't become what we think they can. They don't become what they think they can. Most often, they become what they think we think they can. Sounds simple enough, and it is. But it's also tremendously powerful. To think that my attitude about a person, and their perception of my attitude can play such a role in shaping who and what they become. We talk about Coaches as influencers and impacters of lives, that's not news to any of us. But how are we intentional about impacting and influencing? One of the best tools we have is the ability and opportunity to "speak greatness" into others. Basically, this involves communicating specifically and realistically about the potential we see in others. We can't tell every kid that if he/she can be all-state. But there are some we can. And I bet we can find some goal to put in front of every player and every team we serve. But most likely, we must really believe it ourselves if it is going to become reality.

I remember 1999. Our team wore t-shirts the entire season that said "11/19/99", which was the date of the first round of playoff games. This school's football team had not been to the state playoffs since the mid-80's, so making the playoffs was a big deal. Those kids got there. Two years later, a state title had become the target and that year's t-shirt said so. Those kids won a state championship. The following year we had lost something like 19 or 20 starters and really didn't know what to expect. There were no predicitions on that year's shirt. Those kids ended up making the state semis, which was awesome. But I remember hearing after the season that they had been disappointed to not have been challenged to win it all, especially having seen how it went down the previous year. Maybe as Coaches we didn't really believe they could do it. I don't think I did.

Sometimes I think we Coaches are so determined to fix the mistakes that we fail to paint the big picture for our athletes. Here's the thing; we can do both. I remember hearing about an 11th grade quarterback who was hoping to become the starter for his team. That was all he wanted, to be the guy out there on Friday night. That's not a bad goal at all, but his Coach saw more in him than he saw in himself. One day at practice, during a drill, the Coach says something like "if you do it like that all season you'll be all-conference this year". It would have been easy to say nothing, or "great job", but this Coach chose his words perfectly. Buoyed by the confidence that he hadn't realized the Coach had in him, that kid became all-conference that year.

Of course, not every team that believes its Coaches feel realistically that they can win a championship wins one. Not every kid who believes his/her Coach sincerely expects them to be all-conference or all-American gets there. It's definitely more complicated than that. But what's the downside in sharing our hopes, goals and expectations for others with them? I don't see one.

I see an opportunity to lead others to become what they cannot become on their own. That is the job of a Coach.

80's Lyric

Give it to me straight from the heart

Tell me we can make one more start

You know I'll never go - as long as I know

It's comin' straight from the heart

-Bryan Adams

Prepare to be Utterly Amazed (next post 8/21)

2009-08-07T12:25:00.009-05:00

It's been a year since we began working with Coaches in Kansas City. In that time, we have seen the hand of God and the Word of God change people's lives, mine included. As rewarding as the first year has been, there's something comforting about heading into that 13th month, knowing that we've been here before (and survived year 1), and this time around we are more knowledgeable and experienced regarding the job we have to do. For Coaches, where so much of our existence is built around our seasons and the calendar, beginning year number two at any job provides an opportunity to look back and evaluate, as well as look ahead and dream about/plan for the future. Where have you been, where are you now, and where are you going?

Where are you headed personally and with your family? What direction is your team/program going?

Recently, someone sent me an encouraging note that mentioned a Bible verse that I had not seen in a long time. In this text, the prophet Habakkuk has been complaining to God that his cries for help have gone unanswered, and he receives this reply:

"Look at the nations and watch - and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." (Habakkuk 1:5)

How cool is it that we have a God who is committed to overdelivering? That He has a track record of working in a way that goes beyond anything we can imagine? If that's not an encouragement for us, then I don't know what is. Wherever you are and whatever you're doing heading into this new school year, commit it to Him. Seek the Lord's hand, and walk with Him faithfully. And prepare yourself to be utterly amazed.

80's Lyric

I've never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight

I've never seen you shine so bright

You were amazing

-Chris De Burgh

E Pluribus Unum (next post on 8/7)

2009-07-23T21:40:00.004-05:00

(Barry Bonds is right in the middle of that picture, but this post has nothing to do with PEDs.)

I love the MLB All Star Game. Loved it ever since I can remember. Best part of the game? Player introductions. Whether it's seeing Pujols or Jeter out there year after year, or those who sneak in once and probably never will again (Mark Redman?), I love the fact that all these talented athletes come together in their different uniforms to play for one night as a team.

We did another Coaches Academy last weekend, this time mostly with Coaches from the KC Area. It was incredible to sit in a room with such an amazing collection of men and women who are great coaches, great winners on the field/court, and who also recognize the opportunity to leave an eternal imprint on the lives they impact each day. The Coaches came wearing hats and shirts from Blue Valley HS, UMKC, Odessa HS, Olathe NW HS, and many more. The first thought I had when I looked around the room was, 'this is an all-star team'. All these different uniforms, but one team. That's kind of become a new motto of mine as it pertains to the Coaches we serve...many uniforms, one team. Maybe a subtle rip-off of the one body/many parts analogy Paul made long ago. Anyway, I'm going with it.

Over those three afternoons, we covered a number of topics, but in some ways it boils down to these. If Jesus is at the center of everything we do, if we trust that our lives can really be lived for His glory, then the way we view ourselves and interact with the people in our lives takes on a significance and a joy that is found nowhere else. If we are willing to accept the great invitation that Jesus offers in Matthew 11 to take His yoke upon us, and embark on the journey of discovering what that looks like for us personally......man, it really doesn't get better than that. In addition to having a chance to meet many new teammates, which is hugely significant, that all-star team of Coaches had a chance to hear and process that message last week. That is tremendous stuff.

80's Lyric

So lift your eyes if you feel you can

Reach for a star and I'll show you a plan.

I've figured it out, what I needed was someone to show me.

-Air Supply

What a Weekend! (next post 7/24)

2009-07-13T12:59:00.005-05:00

This post is three days overdue. My apologies, but I figure the majority of you never read this until Monday anyhow.

This past Friday and Saturday I was at Southwest Baptist University in Bolivar, MO. FCA hosted about 100 athletes at a sports/leadership training camp. I had the great privilege of spending two afternoons with the Coaches who were there to lead the morning sports time. (The building pictured is where we met). What a tremendous group of men and women who love God and love coaching.

We spent 2 1/2 hours both days getting to know each other and spending time digging into God's Word together. (I don't know if 5 hours has ever flown by so quickly.) The Bible has so much to say to Coaches about goal setting, priorities, encouraging others, sowing seeds of faith, and being women/men of obedient action. These Coaches left a huge mark on me, and I thank each of them for showing up, participating and sharing so much with us all. The impact of what God did last weekend could be felt for a long, long time. I am praying the Coaches who attended were as blessed as I was to be there.

As you may know, this week Thursday-Saturday we'll host a similar experience for Coaches at MNU in Olathe, KS. Can't wait to see what God does this week.

80's Lyric (this is a tough one)

Well I'd been waiting for this weekend

I thought that maybe we could see a show

Never dreamed I'd have this feeling

But seeing you is believing

-Genesis

Motivation (next post on 7/10)

2009-06-26T13:54:00.003-05:00

I remember sitting in a college class full of future educators one time as our instructor posed the famous question, "Is it better to be feared or loved?" I remember then listening to lively debate on both sides. On one hand, leaders who are feared usually have few problems keeping their follower "in line". Not many are willing to cross a boss, teacher or Coach who rules with an iron fist. I'll grant you that.

But what about being a leader who is loved? I supposed it depends on why they are loved. When I was in high school, we "loved" this one teacher I had because we could do just about anything we wanted to in her class. But, then again, that's probably not really love. Thus the quotation marks around the word "loved". I've read somewhere that "(love) is not self-seeking" (1 Corinthians 13:5). Our love for that teacher was pretty darn self-seeking.

Leaders who are authentically loved can be demanding. They can certainly make our lives uncomfortable at times. But we love them. Why? No matter how difficult someone makes my life, I will do just about anything for a leader whose actions show that he cares more about me personally than for what I can help him accomplish for himself. I will accept discipline from someone who is working to make me better, rather than someone who tears me down either out of his own personal frustration or a need to feed his own ego. I will gladly serve a leader who is humble and sincerely deflects praise and credit to others. I will be suspicious of a leader who has a need to glorify himself. I will trust my life in the hands of a leader whom I love. I cannot easily trust a leader whom I fear.

A Coach who is feared can get results for a time. It's not like they can never win a game. Fear can be an excellent short-term motivator. But a Coach who is loved can reach a level of success that is far more sustainable. He/she can create a program that is characterized by trust, discipline, accountability, mutual respect and love for others. Like I said, either one of these types of Coaches can win a game. If we look at lists of championship Coaches anywhere, we see examples of both types of motivators. But which sounds like a happier, healthier place to be? I want to be the Coach who is loved.

But here's the problem. It's not possible to become a leader who is loved if my goal is to be a leader who is loved. I've seen those guys. I've been that guy before. Those guys get abused by their players. Rather, the way to be loved is simply to love. To love consistently. To care deeply. In our lives, when we are confronted with a powerful, selfless love that someone has for us, our natural response is almost always to return the love. Jesus is the ultimate Coach, and as I continue to learn to understand the power of his love for me, my desire to obey and willingness to trust continue to grow as well. "We love because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19).

80's Lyric

(Michael Jackson has been the butt of plenty of jokes for the past 20 some years. But the list of individuals in my lifetime who were more gifted and talented is a very short one. His life was certainly tragic in many ways, and it makes me sad that he is gone.)

If They Say -

Why, Why,

Tell 'Em That Is Human Nature

-The King of Pop

Abraham and Isaac (next post 6/26)

2009-06-13T11:45:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I feel like this is more of my personal parenting storytelling blog than a Coaches blog. I've been thinking about that, and while I don't want to get too carried away with stories of my boys, here's what I think. Coaching is about relationships. Life is about relationships, primarily our relationship with God. And there aren't many things in my life that help me understand relationships better than my kids. Healthy relationships lead to healthy people leading healthy lives. Healthy people leading healthy lives can be really great Coaches.

I've been reading Genesis at bedtime with Jack and Will, a chapter at a time (by the way, we will be skipping chapter 38). Earlier this week, we read about Abraham and the Lord's command to him to sacrifice his son Isaac in chapter 22. That might be the most difficult story in the entire Bible for me personally, so I can only imagine what it sounds like to someone 5 years old. Trying to explain why this man would be told to and willing to kill his own son...not easy to do. They never did a "Veggie Tale" on this one. Too bad, that would have been sickly hilarious.

But here's what I came up with. I told the boys that God wants us to love him more than anything. He also wants us to understand that his love is greater than anything. When we can grasp some of the depth of his passion for us, our passion for him is the natural result. I didn't put it quite like that, but that was the gist of it. God helped me see something new that night. I've sometimes felt as if when I don't love Jesus more than anything, then I am just a crummy guy. And while there's no doubt that sometimes I can be a crummy guy, now I'm seeing that when I don't love Jesus more than anything, it's because I'm failing to embrace the power of his love for me. I'm failing to bask in the glory of knowing and enjoying him. That realization is a big deal. It takes us from a place of guilt to a place of worship.

In a related note, Will confessed to me that night that he thinks he loves computer games more than God. I guess we've got something to pray for. Gotta love the honesty.

80's Lyric

I was arrested. The car was impounded.

There was no way for me to avoid being grounded.

My parents had to come off their vacation to get me.

I'd rather be in jail than to have my father hit me.

-Jazzy Jeff/Fresh Prince

What are you doing this summer? (next post on 6/12)

2009-05-29T15:37:00.006-05:00

As a Coach there are probably things you have planned for your athletes during the summer to make them stronger, tougher, better teammates, and more. The summer is a perfect time for good athletes to become great athletes. For good teams to become great teams. It's also a perfect time for a great Coach (like you) to become an even better Coach.

As a Coach in the KC area, in mid-July you have an opportunity to spend three days becoming better at what you do. As we have discussed time and time again in this blog, as a Coach, you have been given an incredible opportunity to live your life in such a way that over the course of a career, hundreds, or even thousands of people will be impacted personally by YOU. That is a tremendous calling, and one that you were not intended to live up to on your own.

So...from July 16-18, the Fellowship of Christian Athletes Coaches Ministry Team will be hosting its inaugural Biblical Coaching Academy. For three afternoons (12-4:00 including lunch), coaches (all levels from youth sports-college) from the entire Metro Area will gather at Mid America Nazarene University in Olathe for a time of teaching, learning, sharing and growing in the knowledge of what it means to be a Christian Coach, and how that looks for you as an individual. The weekend will culminate with each coach having a chance to compose a personalized Biblical Coaching Action Plan. You will also be able to establish a connection with other Coaches and the FCA Coaches Team, people who will provide you with encouragement and support for years to come. Lunches for coaches and their families, along with a children's program for ages 4-10 will be provided at no cost if you are registered by 7/1.

You can contact Ryan Krzykowski, FCA's Coaches Director at 913-956-1350 or RKrzykowski@fca.org with questions. Or visit kcfca.org/Coaches to learn more.

80's Lyric

When I look back now

That summer seemed to last forever

And if I had the choice

Yeah-I'd always want to be there

Those were the best days of my life

-Bryan Adams

Free to Fail (next post 5/29)

2009-05-15T09:56:00.004-05:00

The questions are numerous. What is success? How do we define our victories in life? Does my life have a scoreboard? More importantly for me, do I define myself by those successes? Is my own self-worth caught up in my performance? Is 'who I am' based entirely on what I do? And how does that affect the people I live and work with each day?

Michael Jordan knew he was great. He didn't need to make every buzzer beater to know that. I've seen the quote on this poster plenty of times over the years, but this week its message hit me in a new way. It's becoming clear to me just how much I depend on my own activity in order to feel like I'm valuable. I am finally waking up to the truth that God is absolutely delighted with me (please check out Psalm 18:19 and Zephaniah 3:17). He is delighted with me apart from ANYTHING that I do or accomplish.

So what? What difference does that make? I am convinced that it makes all the difference in the world. MJ was great before the shots left his hand. He was free to fail. He says it himself, that is why he succeeded. In my own life, I have not lived with a freedom to fail. I have lived with a chip on my shoulder. I've lived with a desire to show everyone, God included, that I am really good at stuff. Sports, school, teaching, coaching, ministry, parenting, running, the list goes on. Much of the time I did good things, sometimes not. But my mindset, often unconsciously, was "I'll show them". Maybe that doesn't make much sense. Like I said, I'm only just beginning to figure much of this out. But I do know that living in light of the truth that God is thrilled with the fact that He created me is really opening my eyes. It sounds so stupid to admit, but I don't know if I have ever viewed the fact that I was born as a really, really good thing in His eyes. Jesus loves me, this I know...but it goes a whole lot deeper than that. Jesus delights in me. He is ecstatic about the fact that I exist. Man, how great is that? I can just live my life. A life full of joyful obedience to Him with no fear of letting Him or anyone else down.

I've also been thinking about my years as a Coach. Did I project my own personal need to perform onto those athletes? I don't know, but I suspect that I did very little to create an atmosphere of being free to just play. Free to fail even. Not encouraged to fail, mind you, but free to fail. Did I communicate to our players that their ability to perform on a given day was in no way connected to their value as people, to me or anyone else? I hope so. Not only would that have helped the players have a healthier self-image, but the result is they would have played better. It seems so simple.

80's Lyric

Armchair warriors often fail

And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales

The lawyers clean up all details

Since daddy had to lie

- Don Henley

Why, Coach? (next post 5/15)

2009-05-01T10:56:00.013-05:00

First, take a look at the top of the right column...right over there =>>>>>>>>. This summer Coaches event is going to be sweet and it will be better if YOU are there.

I was talking with a Coach the other day, and he was saying how in the past, when a Coach told an athlete to do something it got done without any discussion. Nowadays, the athlete often wants to know why they should do it. They need it spelled out for them.

That conversation has got me thinking. (Scary, I know). Clearly, Coaches have every right to expect their directions to be followed. They are in a position of authority and have to be in charge. No argument here on that point, and if an athlete is challenging a Coach or being confrontational...that's not going to fly with me.

However...if it's handled well, in an appropriate place and time, shouldn't we want those we lead to want to understand our rationale behind things? Shouldn't we want them to analyze and live thoughtfully? As I often do, I'm going to relate this back to my children. When my boys do something that's less than intelligent, I usually ask them why they did it. They usually reply, "I don't know". And the fact is, I believe them. They don't know. They don't think about why they behave the way they do. They don't think about why certain situations make them angry or shy. They don't think about why they are banging their heads against the wall. (Literally. We've dealt with this one recently.) Now, I know that a 9 year old boy isn't going to have his life all figured out. Not even close. But shouldn't I want him to be on the path to learning how to understand himself and others? I think so.
Maybe you were like me. Maybe you can relate to this. I remember being 15 years old. It was like 106 degrees and my teammates and I were running sprints. It was difficult. We were exhausted. I was hating life and didn't care who knew it. I was doing the work and giving a pretty solid effort, but my focus was solely on me and my desire to survive. Looking back, I wish I'd bothered to wonder why we were being put through it all. I wish I'd had a conversation with a Coach who could have pulled me aside afterward and explained that running sprints as a team improves our physical conditioning. It makes us stronger mentally. It gives us opportunities to encourage our teammates and pick each other up. It gives us a chance to snarl and laugh in the face of difficulty. And that all of these things make us better players and a better team. And that better players and better teams win more football games. Not only that, but tougher, more disciplined teammates tend to lead happier and healthier lives. I can't say for sure that I would have understood all that completely, but I do know that most of that would have made total sense. I could have embraced the challenge, and helped my teammates do the same. I could have begun to learn much earlier than I did that my life is not all about me, and that it's OK to think about and understand why we do what we do.

I don't claim to have all this figured out. I'm only scratching the surface. But someday I'll coach a group of teenage young men again, and I plan to make sure they know they have the freedom to ask me to explain anything about how I coach. Drills, exercises, playcalling thought process, whatever else. It's all on the table. I will also make sure they understand the right way and the right time to ask. As my own boys grow up, we'll have a similar conversation about how we run our family. I want them to know it's OK to think about who they are. It's OK to want to understand their behavior and that of others. Also, I'll be aware that decisions I make must be made intentionally. As much as possible, I need to think and pray through what I'm doing with my own life as I lead others.

80's Lyric

So take my strong advice

Just remember to always think twice

(Do think twice)

-Michael Jackson

Attitude Check (next post 5/1)

2009-04-17T08:50:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I was talking to a friend of mine. Fred was telling me about his busy schedule. To bring in a little bit of extra money for his family he's started working a few extra hours each week as a tutor. Fred explained that he was pretty bummed that after work he needed to spend another 2 1/2 hours tutoring when all he really wanted to do was go home. I need to make it clear that Fred and I are very close, we have known each other forever, and we tell each other the truth, often rather bluntly. (I would not recommend speaking to everyone the way Fred and I talk to each other). But anyway, I said to him, "Let me get this straight. You needed a little bit of extra money. You get hooked up with a nearly ideal second job that you were very grateful to find. Now you are crying about the fact that you have to spend a couple hours doing something you like and are good at, which by the way they're going to pay you reasonably well for? That's beyond crazy." Like I said, we have this type of relationship. I do not make a habit of telling people they're behavior is crazy. But if you knew Fred, you'd know that sometimes he is a little crazy.

Anyhow, Fred told me I was right. He had allowed his gratitude to be replaced by self-pity and entitlement. There's been a good bit of talk around the idea of having an 'attitude of gratitude', in recent years especially it seems. So much so that I had begun to tune out that phrase; I was just so tired of hearing it. Like a great song that you can't stand because it gets played way too much (Dancin' in the Dark was like that 25 years ago). Truth be told, I'm no different than Fred. I fail to appreciate great things in my life all the time. I bet we all do it, at least once in a while.

A bit of a tangent here, but a couple nights back I was talking to Jack and Will (ages 7 and 5) at bedtime. We were talking about how God has a history of giving people what they ask for in prayer, at least if it's something He knows is good for them. (Read 2 Kings 20:1-6 for evidence). We know it doesn't mean we get everything we think we want, but we should always feel free to ask God for anything. We might get it, we might not, but we can always ask. My sons wondered what kinds of things I might ask for that would be bad for me. They couldn't picture me praying for candy and it's hard for them to think of other seemingly good things that are bad for us. For them it's all about candy. I told them, "what if I prayed for a new car? That's not a bad thing. Why might God not help me buy a new car? But what if God wants me to be really happy about the car I have now? What if I need to learn to be grateful for the perfectly good one I already own?" I think they understood, at least a little. But I know I learned a little bit too. It's fun to have children who ask questions that I have never bothered to ask myself.

I've seen plenty of Coaches over the years, I've been one myself, who complain about the players on their roster. They think, "if only I had better athletes, or more of them, I'd be all set". Maybe we need to be grateful for the players we have and work to make them the best they can be. Sounds a little preachy, doesn't it? Just know that I'm talking to myself here more than anyone else. I can be the worst at this. Fred and I need to become more like Paul who wrote, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situtation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want". (Philippians 4:12)

80's Lyric

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,

Mata ah-oo hima de

Domo arigato,Mr. Roboto,

Himitsu wo shiri tai

-Styx

Do I Make You Laugh? (next post 4/17)

2009-04-03T09:31:00.006-05:00

Recently I was talking to a Coach on his campus. His most recent season had not gone well. We talked about lessons learned and out of all we talked about, one thing in particular struck me. Coach started talking about how he realizes he hasn't been much fun to be around. No jokes, no amusement, no laughter. It got me thinking about the power of laughter. How telling is it that people can make a career, often a lucrative one, out of traveling around making people laugh? There is something special about a good, hard laugh.

King Solomon wrote "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones" (Proverbs 17:22). How true is that? I could go on and on, but I won't. The principle speaks for itself. Do a Google Image search for "Coach laugh" then do one for "angry Coach". Which group would you rather hang out with?

I know what you're thinking...sometimes as a Coach I will be unhappy or displeased. I cannot be Mr. Rogers smiley guy/gal all the time. I know that. But when we find ourselves in a place where our lives are characterized by frustration and angst, that's not a healthy place to park. When we're sinking, we can get with people and get with God, and find a way to laugh. Also, find another person to laugh with. Call up someone you coached with years ago and tell funny old stories about getting the golf cart out of the rental truck. It looks different for everyone, but figure out what it looks like for you.

If our goal is to be effective, productive human beings, we must be able to escape the depths of despair. Laughter is a great tool for just that. Better still, it's best when shared with others which makes us all better.

80's Lyric

When you worry your face will frown

And that will bring everybody down

(you know the rest)

- Bobby McFerrin

A Coach's Job (next post on 4/3)

2009-03-20T20:46:00.011-05:00

Bottom line, what is a Coach's job? It is not to be popular with his/her athletes. It is not to give the best interviews and quotes to the media. You might say it is to win games or championships, but how? Simply put, a Coach's job is to help athletes achieve a level they could not on their own. That role definitely takes many forms, but they all fall into that general description.

When we surrender our lives to God and put our future in His hands, what does He do for us? He takes us to a place we could not get on our own. He transforms us, making us completely new.

When I first came to faith in Jesus Christ I was very different than I am today. Over the past twenty years He has been helping me develop into a man who is more and more like Him all the time. Long way to go of course, but the laziness, selfishness, lack of intellectual curiosity, nearly complete lack of self-awareness that characterized my life have gradually been chipped away.

Haven't we all seen the kid who comes into our program as a 9th grader who flunks the eyeball test with flying colors? There is no way this kid will ever play for us. Nothing personal, he's just not a player. Then, right before our eyes, over a period of 2-3 years, this kid is a completely different cat. He's grown 5 inches, completely bought into the weight room, and you just can't keep him off the field. This kid understood that his job is to bring a first-rate attitude and effort every day to everything he does. He also understood my job as a Coach, and trusted me to lead.

Last Sunday I heard a sermon at church that rocked my world. I don't know if I've ever heard a more complete, clear and concise explanation of who Jesus is, what He calls us to, and what the good news of His Gospel means in the context of the world we live in. The message was delivered with a blend of Biblical truth, logic, emotion and personal honesty/humility that was nothing short of inspired. If you plan to have 41 minutes available any time in the next few years, I would highly recommend you download the podcast of this message. I'll include a link at the bottom of this post, and believe me, I have no personal stake in this. They're not paying me royalties or anything. There were plenty of great points made in this sermon, but one of them was that Jesus has a no-cut policy. Everyone is welcome on this team. Our job is to show up and bring a great attitude and effort, and His job is to take our broken lives and transform us.

I hope your tournament bracket is holding up well. Enjoy the rest of the Madness!

80's Lyric

Put me in Coach

I'm ready to play today

-John Fogerty

Here's the link to the sermon. It's entitled 05 No Other Name (Olathe campus). There are directions for loading the file onto an Ipod if you are like me and had never downloaded a podcast from a website.

Epaphroditus (next post 3/20)

2009-03-06T10:24:00.005-06:00

Epaphroditus? What's an Epaphroditus?

So a few days ago I'm reading Philippians chapter 2 with a group of guys. At the end of the chapter the author, Paul, starts telling the people of Philippi that he is going to return their friend Epaphroditus to them. Apparently he was sent to help Paul with his work, did a great job, got deathly ill, and was delayed in returning to his people. Paul encourages the people of Philippi to welcome Epaphroditus with great joy and also to "honor men like him" (2:29). They are told to honor men and women who serve well and who serve anonymously. In our round table discussion, we talked about how cool it is for a guy like Epaphroditus to be mentioned in the Bible forever, mostly because Paul appreciated his contribution and made sure it was also appreciated by others.

When I was coaching in Florida, our head coach was very intentional at making sure that the people who served behind the scenes were made to feel important. Custodians and lunch ladies got shirts and hats, parents who prepared meals for the team were recognized and thanked publicly, and the list goes on. Bottom line is we were able to enjoy a culture in which everybody's contribution was valued. Even though some of our members were more visible, at the end of the day, we were required to remember that everyone's role contributes to the big picture. If we read 1 Corinthians 12:12-26 this is picture we see. One body-many parts.
Yesterday, a Coach shared with me that one of his first goals for his athletes when he took a job at a new school was to have every player thank the person who served him lunch each day. Why? Because a seemingly insignificant thing like a daily lunch-time thank you can begin to create a culture of others-centeredness...the kind that over time builds selfless players. (By the way, selfless players are much more likely to win games and championships. But that's another story.)

Are we willing to serve? Do we honor others who do? What are we doing to create and facilitate a culture of selfless service? And for the record, if you are a Coach, I greatly value what you do. You are one of the most important people on the planet. Thank you.

Slightly Obscure 80's Lyric

Eye of a hurricane,

listen to yourself churn -

world serves its own needs,

dummy serve your own needs.

R.E.M.

Pressure (next post on 3/6)

2009-02-19T15:02:00.011-06:00

We've all seen Coaches call timeout to ice a kicker. We've probably heard the home fans yelling at a visiting player, "Hope you don't choke!" I once stood at the foul line and had a guy tell me "it's gonna be hard to make those free throws with your hands around your neck". I remember an NFL assistant who was caught on camera years ago making a choking gesture at an opponent. All this in the name of trying to heap on the pressure.

What's the deal with pressure? A-Rod (along with his now-famous cousin) claims to have dabbled in drugs because he felt pressure to live up to his record-setting contract. Countless Coaches in all sports have been known to put in 20-hour work days in response to the pressure they feel to win. Even now, I'm feeling it just a little, as my most recent writing efforts earned a very tepid response. I want everything I do to be slamming good, and the posts I write for this blog are no exception.

Here are some of the unknowns for me: is pressure real or imagined? Or if it's imagined does that make it real? (There's a brain twister for you.) Should some athletes or Coaches be considered more "clutch" than others? Can pressure be healthy; can it make us perform better?

I sure don't have the answers to all these questions, but here's what I do know. If my circumstances bring about feelings that result in love, joy, peace, courage, etc. I will embrace them. Conversely, If I am in a situation that elicits fear, doubt, despair, or any of their relatives, I MUST reject those emotions. Easier said than done, no doubt. But if we read Matthew 11:28-29, 1 Peter 5:7 or one of hundreds of other verses, and learn to take them to heart, we really can find rest for our souls. When we understand that we can brim with confidence, not in our own abilities but in the power of our Lord (2 Corinthians 11:30). When our weakness opens the door for God's strength, that's the deal.

Of course, we'll never get this perfectly right. But that's not a good reason to stop growing and improving. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to call my cousin.

Slightly Obscure 80's Lyric

I'm sure you'll have some cosmic rationale

But here you are in the ninth

Two men out and three men on

Nowhere to look but inside

Where we all respond to

Pressure

- Billy Joel

One big answer, now so many questions (next post 2/20...or maybe 2/27)

2009-02-06T11:32:00.004-06:00

The next few Fridays for me are so full of scheduled 'stuff' that I might not get to writing more for 3 weeks instead of my usual 2. For those of you who live and die by my blogging, please try to understand. Also, if you haven't noticed, at the bottom of each post will be a link to the music video for the song featured. Just click on the artist's name.

The BIG news in Kansas City these days is the hiring of Todd Haley as the next Head Coach of the Chiefs. As a newly born Chiefs fan, I've been on the edge of my seat waiting to see what "our" new GM, Scott Pioli was going to do. Who would get the job? Now that we have that answer, who will Coach Haley hire for his staff? Will Chan Gailey be retained as the

Offensive Coordinator? What players will stay/go/be drafted/be signed as free agents?

One caller on the radio this morning raised the question of the importance of coaching. Is it the Coaches or the players who deserve most of the credit for the success of a team? We've heard this question before, and I think it's an interesting one. It's interesting because in our society we like to know who to praise and who to blame and what percentage of praise/blame should be assigned to the parties involved. All I can say is why?

Slightly Obscure 80's Lyric

Don't wish it away

Don't look at it like it's forever

Between you and me I could honestly say

That things can only get better
And while I'm away

Dust out the demons inside

And it won't be long before you and me run

To the place in our hearts where we hide

And I guess that's why they call it the blues

Time on my hands could be time spent with you

- Elton John

You Rang? (next post 2/6)

2009-01-23T10:30:00.011-06:00

If no one rang the bell, would Lurch ever show up?

Monday night my son Jack and I went and got some ice cream. It was his turn for a 'Special Night With Dad'. On the way home, I decided to pick his brain a little, get some more conversation out of him. I threw the overused "any more thoughts about what job you'd like to have some day?" at him. His response: "I've actually been thinking of maybe working for FCA." Now in my sixth month as a Coaches Ministry Director with FCA, you can imagine my pride. My chest puffs out, and I'm all pleased with my son (and myself), and I decide to probe a little. "That's great, Jack. What do you like about FCA?" At this point I'm probably subconsciously fishing for some 'I wanna be like you, Dad' kind of reply. Instead, he says "Well, I've been thinking that maybe instead of an astronaut or firefighter, it might be nice to have a job that's not so hard." I was stunned. My son, my own son...trashing my work? More on that later.

Bottom line: As confidently as I can, I know my family and I have been called by God to serve and encourage the Coaches of KC. But my conversation with Jack got me thinking more about calling. Check out a bestsellers list some time. The idea of 'calling' is big business. There's certainly no shortage books that will help us discover why we are here, how to unlock the hidden treasures of the universe, and how we can be most fulfilled. But it puzzles me that some people out there accept the idea of calling apart from a Caller. Logically, no Caller = no calling. To that end, I think we often get it backwards. When we think of 'a calling', we think of a job, a place to move to, some kind of major life decision. "Should I take this job?" "Should I marry her?" "Should I write this blog entry?" In his book, The Call, Os Guiness discusses the jobs, moves, etc. as a secondary calling. Our primary calling is always to God Himself. Taking that one step further, a secondary calling apart from a primary calling is simply pointless. It's a great reminder to me as I consider the question of what does God want me to do that the answer is ALWAYS that He wants me to become what He wants me to be. The secondary calling issues of where, how and with whom flow out of that vertical, primary calling relationship. Not that they'll always be crystal clear, but if we're passionately pursuing a relationship with the Lord, there is usually no need to agonize over details. Look at the example of Abram in Genesis 12, or the disciples in Matthew 4. As we consider to what and where we are called (which is certainly important), the more important thing is to remember by Whom and to Whom we are called. Jesus is ringing all of us. Will we, like Lurch, faithfully answer the call each day?

As Jack and I continued our talk, turns out he was thinking that astronauts and firefighters have dangerous jobs, and there might be something to be said for a job that is more out of harm's way. I appreciated the clarification, and was relieved that I did not need to cry myself to sleep that night.

Slightly Obscure 80's Lyric

When I dial 6-1-1 paid service

She said ''hello, may I help you please''

I told her something must be wrong with my phone

Cause my baby wouldn't hang up on me

Mr. telephone man, there's something wrong with my line

When I dial my baby's number, I get a click every time

- New Edition

Big Game Bust? (next post 1/23)

2009-01-09T09:36:00.013-06:00

Despite having relocated to Big 12 country, last night I was definitely pulling for the Gators. Apparently I've still got a lot of Florida in me. But when that game was over, as happy as I was for the Gators, I knew what was coming for Oklahoma and Coach Bob Stoops. After winning a National Title with the Josh Heupel-led 2000 team, his Sooners have come up short in 3 other championship games, including the one last night. So the Coach who became known as "Big Game Bob" (a name he almost certainly did not confer upon himself), is now having to deal with headlines like this one I just found, "Big Game Bust". Should a Coach whose teams get to four championship games in nine years really have to apologize for that? Would Sooner fans like to trade places with their counterparts in Nebraska or Colorado, two former national powers who have not kept pace with the Oklahomas of the world? Is this a case of the media trying to create a story where there isn't one?

To his credit, Coach Stoops isn't taking the bait. When asked about his teams losses on the national stage, he commented, "if that's the biggest burden I have to bear in my life, then I'm a pretty lucky guy." Hard to argue with that.

3 more points:

1- From the same press conference, I really enjoyed watching Oklahoma DB Nick Harris react to the suggestion that the Sooner offense let the team down. He wasn't having that at all. Showed me that as badly as he wanted to win that game, Harris cares about his teammates even more.

2- How cool is it to watch the famous Tim Tebow apology speech from early this season? I looked all over for a video of that to link to from here, but I'm coming up empty. Anyone want to hook it up for me and send me a link? I don't care what you think of Timmy, that is really good stuff. (Never mind, I just got one. It's here!)

3- If Robert Horry were to make a hypothetical comeback and miss a couple late-game three pointers, would he have to give up the "Big Shot Bob" name? I hope not. After reading this, I really doubt it. Good, because that is a cool nickname, right up there with "Human Highlight Film". Those guys were first in line when they were handing out nicknames, but that's another story for another time.

Slightly Obscure 80's Lyric of the Week

There's a king on a throne with his eyes torn out

There's a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt

There's a rich man sleeping on a golden bed

There's a skeleton choking on a crust of bread

-The Police

A Holiday dare (next post 1/9 due to Christmastime travels)

2008-12-19T09:22:00.007-06:00

For those hoping for a Christmas message, you're going to be disappointed. There is no shortage of great Christmas messages out there right now. See? We're going in a slightly different direction.

When Norm Peterson was asked "How's the world treating you, Norm?" he came back with "Like a baby treats a diaper". The sad truth is that few, if any of us are anywhere near as honest. I hope you won't take offense to this, but I am not a fan of the phrases, "how are you?" or "how's it going?" It's a personal hangup of mine I guess, but I feel like most of the time when we ask people how they are, they are expected to reply with either "fine" or "pretty good". If they don't, we get electrocuted.

What good is that? If we are going to ask someone how they are, we should really want the truth. Do we want the truth? Do we, when asked, really want to share how we are doing? Would I tell you that I have felt lonely, desperate, confused, and hurt at different times in recent months? I don't think my life is characterized by negativity, but it shows up now and then. When that happens, where do I go? Who do I call? Certainly, Jesus is my #1 comfort, and I should cast my cares on Him daily. But I also know we were created for each other, and He has designed us to "Carry each other's burdens" (Galatians 6:2).

Here's my Holiday dare for all of us: Can we pick up the phone or get in touch with 3 people you don't see all the time? Can we reach out to these people, just to tell them that we are thinking of them and that we love them? Can we open/reopen the door to a relationship that has fallen away, to allow God to use us to be an encouragement to His children? Maybe we'll be just an encouragement, that's definitely a good thing. But maybe He'll open the door to something even deeper. We'll never know if we don't act. Maybe Christmastime gives us the perfect excuse to do it.

I'm in. How about you?

80's Lyric

Making your way in the world today takes everything you got

Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot

Wouldn't you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name

And they're always glad you came

You wanna be where you can see our troubles are all the same

You wanna go where everybody knows your name

-Gary Portnoy

Bitty Ball (next post 12/19)

2008-11-18T11:46:00.012-06:00

So last month I found myself coaching Will's YMCA Basketball team. I'm given 8 four year olds, a bag of jerseys, a corner of an elementary school gym, and a list of drills put together by the Y staff. In all my years of coaching, this was right up there with the greatest challenges I'd ever faced. (By the way, coaching Youth Sports absolutely counts as real coaching. Don't let anyone ever tell you differently).

Talk about a communication barrier. These small people and I barely spoke the same language. At the end of one practice, when I asked what we had learned that evening, Emma raised her hand and told the team that she just got a puppy. But I was determined that they were going to learn the game, work together, and enjoy themselves. I'll spare you all the gory details of our 4-practice/2-game season, but in the end, it was mission accomplished. We got a few stops on defense. We got the ball in the hoop fairly often. We managed to dribble occasionally. The children had fun. I had fun. Will told me that basketball season was the best thing that ever happened in his life. Pretty rewarding. As we left, one of the boys handed me a card. I opened it at home, and it read, "Thank you so much for all of your hard work! We greatly appreciate it. This was Jackson's first sports and you made a fantastic impact on his life." Now, who knows what will happen to this little guy in the future? I certainly pray he becomes exactly who God wants him to be, and I know I was blessed by faithfully serving him and his family in a very small way.

Slightly Obscure 80's Lyric

Down town the young ones are going.

Down town the young ones are growing.

We're the kids in America.

Everybody live for the music-go-round.

- Kim Wilde

"Coach is Soft" (next post 12/5)

2008-11-18T11:22:00.013-06:00

We're talking about coaching biblically. Coaching the way Jesus would coach. One component of that involves the words we use and how we use them. Specifically, what about cursing/cussin'/profanity/obscenities/swearing, whatever you want to call it. Does foul language enhance our coaching? Is it necessary? If we want to Coach without profanity will some players think "Man, Coach is soft"?

I've thought about this a lot this week. And if a Coach came to me and said "Gee, golly, can you do this instead of that?" I probably would say to myself "Coach is soft". The issue really is the mistaken notion that a Christian Coach is a cartoon character. That he's Ned Flanders. But that's not the deal. A Christian Coach is one whose coaching style is characterized by love. For example, I love my sons. Occasionally fathering them requires correction, discipline and stern language. But I don't ever want to "coach" them while I'm out of control. I don't swear at them. I wonder if John Wooden's players thought he was soft. Do the Colts think Coach Dungy is soft? A Christian Coach commands respect, but that respect grows as a result of a relationship that is built with his/her athletes. The athletes must be loved, and they know when that love is genuine. It cannot be faked. And in the context of that relationship, the Coach has the ability to correct behaviors or techniques, forcefully when necessary.

Jesus used interesting language at times. More than once, without venturing into the world of obscenities, he stands in front of the religious establishment and calls them "snakes" and a "brood of vipers". Jesus gets his point across in all situations, dealing with all different types of people. Read Luke 4:28-30 some time. Jesus is pushed to the edge of a cliff, about to be thrown off to his death, then walks right through the crowd and goes on his way. I can only imagine the look on a man's face that would inspire an angry mob to part and let him walk through. Doesn't sound very soft to me. I want to be coached by someone like that.

S.O.E.L.O.T.W

This speech is my recital,

I think it's very vital

To rock (a rhyme), that's right (on time)

It's Tricky is the title

-Run DMC

When in Doubt Use the Word (next post on November 11/21)

2008-11-07T11:03:00.003-06:00

Here's a good problem to have: there are about 4 things I want to write about today, but most of the ideas are not fully formed yet. So rather than continue wrestling with my brain, I'm going with the Word of God. Here goes...

I am a Coach. I am an instructor. But Jesus is the ultimate Coach, the master instructor. Here are some Words He's been laying on my heart lately:

"and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God." - Proverbs 2:3-5

"Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes" - Ephesians 6:11

"train yourselves to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things" - 1 Timothy 4:7-8

"Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: 'Do not handle!' 'Do not taste!' 'Do not touch!'? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." - Colossians 2:20-3:3

Slightly Obscure 80's Lyric of the Week

I have spoke with the tongue of angels

I have held the hand of a devil

It was warm in the night

I was cold as a stone

-U2

Encourage (next post on 11/7)

2008-10-24T11:00:00.005-05:00

"But encourage each other daily..." - Hebrews 3:13

Earlier this morning a colleague and I discussed the idea of encouragement, and how important it is that we know how to build up others with our words and actions. The hard part about this is that we're all different, and what really speaks to my heart might not make a dent in yours. As Coaches, do we know how to encourage the different athletes and other Coaches in our lives? I don't know anyone who dislikes kind words or the occasional "attaboy/attagirl", but some of us need a different touch.
I've committed to finding out how to best encourage the people God's put in my life: my family, Coaches, co-workers and friends. How do we do that? I'm going to pray for God's leading, and I'm also going to flat out ask people, "What makes you feel encouraged?"
I'm also going to take the bold step of letting people past my ultra-manly, tough-guy exterior and share with them how best to encourage me. Scary? Maybe a little, but it's about time.

Slightly Obscure 80's Lyric of the Week

Who's gonna pick you up

When you fall?

Who's gonna hang it up

When you call?

Who's gonna pay attention

To your dreams?

Who's gonna plug their ears

When you scream?

- The Cars

Taking Out the Trash (next post on 10/24)

2008-10-09T22:15:00.008-05:00

There's no shortage of things happening in the world that we could write about, many of them depressing and economic in nature, but you can read about that stuff anywhere. We're going to take a look at LSU D-lineman Ricky Jean-Francois, who recently told the Orlando Sentinel, "If we get a good shot on (Florida QB Tim Tebow) we're going to try our best to take him out of the game." Predictably, Ricky backed off those comments and later talked about them being taken out of context. Not sure I'm buying that one. What a goofy thing for him to say...I can't wait to watch this game on Saturday.

As Coaches, where do we draw the line when it comes to trash talk? How do we even define trash talk? Are the rules different for high-profile athletes who are covered by national media? Did Ricky Jean-Francois hurt his team? Maybe we'll find out this weekend.

Slightly Obscure 80's Lyric of the Week

99 Decision street

99 ministers meet

To worry, worry, super scurry

Call the troops out in a hurry

This is what we've waited for

This is it boys, this is war

The president is on the line

As 99 red balloons go by

- Nena